BenGay - Is it wrong not to play hard against a team? Tonight, I was so fired up to play against Big Red's team. Then J-Ro told me that they were short their top 2 guns and had to play with 4. I was so bummed that I kept asking my team to let me sit this out. Winning these games did not seem right to me. Of course, my teammates yelled at me and I just told them to not set me and for the most part I just kept rolling my shots to them. We swept them to move on to the Conference Finals, against NorthPointe. J-Ro's team thanked me after the game for "taking it easy on them and not killing it down their throats." Just didn't seem right to me to win these games without Big Red.
An hour later, we played NorthPointe and the winner moves on to the Finals. Here we go again, S.S. 3 and it really wore out on me. I literally did suicides running back from the front row to save a pass, then shoot back up to the front row to make a block. It was different this time, S.S. 3 last week was easier because I played against the same opponent so I know they had to be tired. New opponent, same level and eventually I tired out in Game 3. So NorthPointe won 2-1 to move to the Finals. When we were shaking hands, I told them that I was just drained and they didn't believe me seeing how quick I kept moving from side to side. I take it as my fault for losing because I tired out and I did not pick up their strategy in Game 3. They told me afterwards what they said in their huddle "Well we waited for you to move to the backrow, then we could swing away. When you're in the front, we did our best to take away the line, but man you still had it." My fault for not picking up their plan of going soft when I was up front. It really irritates me that I failed and was not aware of this.
Now, it is done and over and at the beginning of the season everyone thought I was cocky. However, it's not how you start but how you finish and many believe I was the MVP of the league. It was nice to make some new friends too and so I guess I should be expecting some calls since a lot of them have my digits now. I'm really thankful for this experience and the new people I got to meet. So sore from S.S. 3, I wonder if P-Nutz's BenGay really works? Oh well, I'll pass on that stuff, smells good though. I could use one of those Asian nicotine looking patches though.
Shake That
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Monday, May 09, 2005
Family Matters - Just like that, my sis has come and gone. The weekend with her home was like what it used to be, but leaving DTW reminds me of what it's going to be. During high school, everyone used to say that I put the word "fun" in disfunctional family. I know a lot of peeps don't agree with my philosophy, but to me it has always been just because we blood don't make us family.
I went to see my Grandparents a few days ago. At the time my G-Ma was still weak, and she was trying to put down some noodles. They finally said the thoughts that have been on my mind, they vented this anger about Alan and Wendy, my cuz's, their grandchildren. One has yet to bother to see them since last year's big 80th B-Day celebration, while the other recently sold out for her friends instead of going to see our G-Ma at Beaumont. As I left, I kept debating if I should talk to them about this. One reason is I am the oldest so I should continue to set the modeling tone in the fam. While on the hand, if I say something to them then they will feel all guilty and actually visit them. I want them to visit them because they WANT to not because they HAVE to. My mom kept urging me to talk to them because she did not want her parents to be mad.
I finally did a couple of nights ago, I pretty much told them how our Grandparents felt. I reminded them of how much they sacrificed for them when we were little. Lastly, I told them to visit them because they love them and not because I told them to. The thing that eats at me the most, is growing up I thought I did my best modeling/teaching/encouraging my younger cousins to always look out for fam. I thought they would see it through me and do the same. But everything has had an inverse effect, it just seems like they all care bout themselves for the most part. I think I understand why now, did I set the bar so high for them that they were discouraged by it? If ya know your Chinese culture, it's all bout bragging rights withing the adults about oh who is the best sibling. Although my parents don't promote me like that, my Grandparents, aunts/uncles always talk bout me and what I do for each one of them. Did those convo's discourage my cousins? Did I actually fail instead of succeed in leading the next generation of the fam? All I can do, is continue to support and help my G-Parents.
Sunday Morning
I went to see my Grandparents a few days ago. At the time my G-Ma was still weak, and she was trying to put down some noodles. They finally said the thoughts that have been on my mind, they vented this anger about Alan and Wendy, my cuz's, their grandchildren. One has yet to bother to see them since last year's big 80th B-Day celebration, while the other recently sold out for her friends instead of going to see our G-Ma at Beaumont. As I left, I kept debating if I should talk to them about this. One reason is I am the oldest so I should continue to set the modeling tone in the fam. While on the hand, if I say something to them then they will feel all guilty and actually visit them. I want them to visit them because they WANT to not because they HAVE to. My mom kept urging me to talk to them because she did not want her parents to be mad.
I finally did a couple of nights ago, I pretty much told them how our Grandparents felt. I reminded them of how much they sacrificed for them when we were little. Lastly, I told them to visit them because they love them and not because I told them to. The thing that eats at me the most, is growing up I thought I did my best modeling/teaching/encouraging my younger cousins to always look out for fam. I thought they would see it through me and do the same. But everything has had an inverse effect, it just seems like they all care bout themselves for the most part. I think I understand why now, did I set the bar so high for them that they were discouraged by it? If ya know your Chinese culture, it's all bout bragging rights withing the adults about oh who is the best sibling. Although my parents don't promote me like that, my Grandparents, aunts/uncles always talk bout me and what I do for each one of them. Did those convo's discourage my cousins? Did I actually fail instead of succeed in leading the next generation of the fam? All I can do, is continue to support and help my G-Parents.
Sunday Morning
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Jim Mora - "Playoffs? Playoffs? We're talkin bout playoffs?" Oi that's how I felt tonight as we played 6 games and all we needed was one to clinch a playoff spot. The other team needed to win all 6 to hold on to 1st. As each game kept going by, we kept losing, my team kept getting more negative with each other. J-Ro's team though is by far the best hitting team overall, they hit so smart and I told them that. Big Red, wow he roofed me on my 2nd hit. I tried dumping it past him a couple of times, and dude this guy just literally grabbed my dumps and threw it back at me! Big Red man his power level was amazing and I was loving it!
By the 2nd game, it was time to kick it into S.S. 3 in order to match Big Red. From that point on He just gave me the strength and energy to match J-Ro's team, I had at least a touch on every block, I led the team in digs. Big Red was not roofing me anymore, but still staying at S.S.3 was just not enough. The Ref even talked to me saying it looked like 6 on 1 out there and he said "too bad you can't take all 3 hits." The 6th game, last chance to win one, and we prevailed. Big Red, and J-Ro all talked to me after the game. They all gave me props and believe I am the best player in this league. That meant a lot to me because Big Red is one of the best thinkers in this game I have played against. J-Ro's team just admired my heart, jumping into the pole, the bleachers, trying to dive over the trash can just so we do not lose the point. Going S.S. 3 and to last through it for 5 games straight has taken a toll on me. I was just glad that I was able to wear out Big Red before I was completely drained.
The thing is though, we don't serve to be in the playoffs. This team that I am playing on, are just such sore losers and have bad attitudes. I do not even join them in the huddles anymore because all they do is point fingers at each other and get down on themselves. I just smile and try to encourage everyone, but there is just so much negativity on this team. I even called out one of them today and asked them "are you sure you go to church?" The only thing I look forward to is playing against LAGNAF one more time.
Fox
By the 2nd game, it was time to kick it into S.S. 3 in order to match Big Red. From that point on He just gave me the strength and energy to match J-Ro's team, I had at least a touch on every block, I led the team in digs. Big Red was not roofing me anymore, but still staying at S.S.3 was just not enough. The Ref even talked to me saying it looked like 6 on 1 out there and he said "too bad you can't take all 3 hits." The 6th game, last chance to win one, and we prevailed. Big Red, and J-Ro all talked to me after the game. They all gave me props and believe I am the best player in this league. That meant a lot to me because Big Red is one of the best thinkers in this game I have played against. J-Ro's team just admired my heart, jumping into the pole, the bleachers, trying to dive over the trash can just so we do not lose the point. Going S.S. 3 and to last through it for 5 games straight has taken a toll on me. I was just glad that I was able to wear out Big Red before I was completely drained.
The thing is though, we don't serve to be in the playoffs. This team that I am playing on, are just such sore losers and have bad attitudes. I do not even join them in the huddles anymore because all they do is point fingers at each other and get down on themselves. I just smile and try to encourage everyone, but there is just so much negativity on this team. I even called out one of them today and asked them "are you sure you go to church?" The only thing I look forward to is playing against LAGNAF one more time.
Fox
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Apprentice (Long and Vulgar Remix) - First off, no I did not select high crime rate. Anyways, things just seem to be getting worst for me academically. First, is tanking that PS Final, then failing the Social Studies exam, and now another Magahay mishap. I have faith that in His Will I will on the first because there are many doors that have opened. I remain strong that I will eventually pass the Social Studies exam too. However, the next test site is July 9th the same day as the CBC Retreat :( I can't miss the test, but I don't want to miss out on any part of the Retreat either. Time will tell in what I do with that. Lastly, today at Magahay I was honestly shaken inside in what I believe in on how to teach. Mr. Lamchops pulled me aside before I left to speak with me in private. He informed me that he was going to pull the plug on what I started which is Lunch with the Teacher. Apparently, some of the other staff members do not like it as well as himself because of what they think goes on in there.
When I heard this, I felt like my heart was just ripped out. That was the only thing I had left that I started because I learned it from my previous student teachin place, at Edmonson. Julie used this as getting to know the students better outside of class and if they need an additional help on homework. I started it for the same reasons I was taught from there. I now realize that I am simply a slave at this school and I must do everything Mr. Lamchops does.
As I was leaving Magahay today, tears of pain, saddness, and discouragement was boiling inside of me. Mr. Lamchops is really pissing me off too because I now realize he is just there to collect the paycheck as his 60-70 year old butt just prepares his lessons on the day of school. I graded the Social Studies test today and he blamed the class for doing poorly. I mean the class average was around the 40% area with 1 girl scoring a 1% on her test. He flat out blamed them and I am thinking in my head that you are just as accountable was they are. By them doing so poorly is also a reflection on your poor, and lazy ass teaching style. He talked to me to make sure that respect is the # 1 thing to a teacher. I am thinkin yeah I know that but tell yourself that because they do not even respect you. How do I know? Well let's see everyday he has to remind the class to respect him when he is speaking. Some staff question my integrity when I am alone with the students, well then if you don't like it then tell the old bum Mr. Lamchops to stop leaving me in there.
Let's even look at today, he was teaching Math then the janitor came in to bring him his breakfast. He stopped in the middle of his lesson and gave me the lesson book. He told the class that I will finish the lesson so he could have his breakfast. Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture?
I have respectfully asked the OU Coordinator, Sherrill to get me out of here. I want to go to a place where I can apply what I have learned from OU. I have walked into her office and even wrote her a nice email as she had asked me to do. Nothing has happened and she has not even responded to my email that she asked me to write! If I was one of those old motherlovers that kiss her ass, then yeah she'd probably give me what I want. I have already started recently to challenge and call out Sherrill as I have no respect for her anymore. She can continue to threaten me with keepin me from graduating, but I will continue to challenge and defy her in everyway possible.
I keep getting closer to just takin a swing at Mr. Lamchops and I just want to challenge him too because to teach is to inspire. I admit he shook my confidence up earlier today and almost making me believe that maybe I am not cutout for this. However, I looked back at some of my pics of CBC/ACA kids and He has restored me. I keep asking You though, why am I at Magahay? If I cannot stay in peace for 1 day at this school, how am I suppose to keep this up if it is in Your Will for me to be here 5 days a week next semester? Am I not relying enough on You through this? What do I do?
When I heard this, I felt like my heart was just ripped out. That was the only thing I had left that I started because I learned it from my previous student teachin place, at Edmonson. Julie used this as getting to know the students better outside of class and if they need an additional help on homework. I started it for the same reasons I was taught from there. I now realize that I am simply a slave at this school and I must do everything Mr. Lamchops does.
As I was leaving Magahay today, tears of pain, saddness, and discouragement was boiling inside of me. Mr. Lamchops is really pissing me off too because I now realize he is just there to collect the paycheck as his 60-70 year old butt just prepares his lessons on the day of school. I graded the Social Studies test today and he blamed the class for doing poorly. I mean the class average was around the 40% area with 1 girl scoring a 1% on her test. He flat out blamed them and I am thinking in my head that you are just as accountable was they are. By them doing so poorly is also a reflection on your poor, and lazy ass teaching style. He talked to me to make sure that respect is the # 1 thing to a teacher. I am thinkin yeah I know that but tell yourself that because they do not even respect you. How do I know? Well let's see everyday he has to remind the class to respect him when he is speaking. Some staff question my integrity when I am alone with the students, well then if you don't like it then tell the old bum Mr. Lamchops to stop leaving me in there.
Let's even look at today, he was teaching Math then the janitor came in to bring him his breakfast. He stopped in the middle of his lesson and gave me the lesson book. He told the class that I will finish the lesson so he could have his breakfast. Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture?
I have respectfully asked the OU Coordinator, Sherrill to get me out of here. I want to go to a place where I can apply what I have learned from OU. I have walked into her office and even wrote her a nice email as she had asked me to do. Nothing has happened and she has not even responded to my email that she asked me to write! If I was one of those old motherlovers that kiss her ass, then yeah she'd probably give me what I want. I have already started recently to challenge and call out Sherrill as I have no respect for her anymore. She can continue to threaten me with keepin me from graduating, but I will continue to challenge and defy her in everyway possible.
I keep getting closer to just takin a swing at Mr. Lamchops and I just want to challenge him too because to teach is to inspire. I admit he shook my confidence up earlier today and almost making me believe that maybe I am not cutout for this. However, I looked back at some of my pics of CBC/ACA kids and He has restored me. I keep asking You though, why am I at Magahay? If I cannot stay in peace for 1 day at this school, how am I suppose to keep this up if it is in Your Will for me to be here 5 days a week next semester? Am I not relying enough on You through this? What do I do?
Monday, May 02, 2005
SAU -
Nope, I took this quiz to prove Superfly and Mel Smell wrong that Honolulu does not always come up :) In the end, I'd still take the D over all these, but Windy City eh I that could suffice for me.
The words failure or loser summed up part of my weekend. However, I have hope that He will reveal His plan to me this week. Just when I thought the Retreat committee had been selected, and I thought I got my break, well I thought wrong. I sat in to observe the 1st CBC Retreat meeting for this summer. I was sadden at first to see that those whom I have served with are not there anymore outside of Stephen and Sonny. However, I am excited though to see new brothers and sisters who want to serve in this ministry. I realize I am the veteran in this group so I need to help the rook's out a lil more. It looks like for now I will be double duting in servin too with the Retreat Children's Program and Promo. However, I am way ahead of the game already since the theme is set, I already got the logo done. Hopefully, my new tag partner that I handpicked can help me this Wednesday night to make it look tight. I do need lots of prayer though as I must get promo done way ahead of time since I'll be gone for 2 Sundays to HK. Also the committee needs lots of prayer too because it is a new team and lastly everyone please go to the Retreat! I just don't like the new schedule format :( and I was outvoted for it.
Hold Me
American Cities That Best Fit You: |
55% Chicago |
55% New York City |
55% Washington, DC |
50% Austin |
50% Philadelphia |
Nope, I took this quiz to prove Superfly and Mel Smell wrong that Honolulu does not always come up :) In the end, I'd still take the D over all these, but Windy City eh I that could suffice for me.
The words failure or loser summed up part of my weekend. However, I have hope that He will reveal His plan to me this week. Just when I thought the Retreat committee had been selected, and I thought I got my break, well I thought wrong. I sat in to observe the 1st CBC Retreat meeting for this summer. I was sadden at first to see that those whom I have served with are not there anymore outside of Stephen and Sonny. However, I am excited though to see new brothers and sisters who want to serve in this ministry. I realize I am the veteran in this group so I need to help the rook's out a lil more. It looks like for now I will be double duting in servin too with the Retreat Children's Program and Promo. However, I am way ahead of the game already since the theme is set, I already got the logo done. Hopefully, my new tag partner that I handpicked can help me this Wednesday night to make it look tight. I do need lots of prayer though as I must get promo done way ahead of time since I'll be gone for 2 Sundays to HK. Also the committee needs lots of prayer too because it is a new team and lastly everyone please go to the Retreat! I just don't like the new schedule format :( and I was outvoted for it.
Hold Me