It's been a frustrating past few days for me. I came back to CBC to worship once again and it wasn't the feeling that I got from people that made me feel like I would want to come back to worship. In the past, people I would always hear people complain about certain things that they didn't like about CBC. And I would notice it and I would always ask God to use me, to change the way people think about CBC. But now I've noticed I begun slipping into that department as well. I feel like I want to give up on asking God to use me in that way at CBC. Was I too naive to be having this type of vision or did I do what you commanded us to do which was to carry hope, faith, and love?

And I've been seeking God every night for answers of what is going on with me, certain friends of mine. God gave me some answers, and it was more than I could take and I just ran out of the house upset. I drove around for a while to clear my head before our v-ball game so that I couldn't be distracted. The emotional pain is more than I can bear right now and it has left me distracted in all the other areas of my life. The answers that were presented to me only left me with more questions to ask, and if I do ask them am I able to take it? One of my favorite biblical characters is Job and I would hope that I am going through what he went through. And I know some people are going through this stage with their friends too, and they pretty much have that don't care mentality with them now. I want to have that attitude too, but I feel like I can't because I care too much about them, yet they don't seem like they share that caring feeling with me. I want to give all of their friendships a second chance like He has given us. And I've been praying for certain friendships to get back to where it was before and it can only happen through God. However if certain friendships were to end this way, again I ask am I being to naive to have so much hope in these people whom I call my friends, brothers, and sisters? Or was it meant to be this way? Why am I so weak right now? If only their was Motrin for this type of pain, and I know if I went back to my past then I know I wouldn't be feeling this way. If I am getting pushed away, then can I break away from them? Now it's time for me to go and seek counsel from whom You've sent to me to look out for me in my time of frustration.

A Maze of Grace