Controlling master
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Master of puppets
Pulling your strings

Well this weekend it seemed like luck was against me. Lately it seems like I've been feeling that pressure again, like not living up to people's expectations of me. Like not being good enough to always make everyone happy. I felt it, Saturday morning at b-ball, certain peeps gave me the choke artist sign for blowing a shot. It was fun because I like that added pressure of trying to be one of the top players there. Then at work, me and my dad got into a dispute, pretty much not meeting his standards at work. Then yesterday, I played in my first 4's v-ball tournament. I was nervous pretty much throughout the whole tournament, and I felt like I choked in a couple of games. Especially on one play Howard set it to me to end the game and I tried to roll it and I rolled it right into the net then game over for us. I was so upset with myself that after the tourny, I played pick up v-ball because I need to get over another mental block in my mind.

And that is playing my best with or without the people that I love to be with. I felt like a lost sheep at certain times on the court. And Saturday I cut my finger open on accident of course and it was bleeding like crazy. So Sunday morning I took off the bandage and it seemed fine. I got my first block at the tournament and I looked at my finger and the blood was gushing out of the bandaid I had put on. Of course I'm not gonna tell the ref because I don't want to be taken out or to stop the game. So I had to keep wrapping my finger throughout the rest of the tournament with my sports tape to make sure that the blood does not squirt out. Looking at it today, I'm glad that it looks like I won't be needing stitches to seal it up. Also Saturday night, one of my toe nails finally came off because about a couple of months ago, playing b-ball everyone kept stepping on one of my toes. And I took off my sock and it was bleeding, well like I said the other night it finally came off. Sick right?

And now with my body really sore, and I just sneezed and my ribs were hurting. I guess it was from all the diving I did yesterday. Boy do I feel really broken right now with my body all beat up and my mind of trying to live up to people's expectations, all I can do is ask God for help. And with that I'm glad that I ran into Peter last night at Beech Woods. I haven't played v-ball with him in a while so it was fun talking afterwards. And already I'm really blessed to have Dan and Cindy. It was nice of them to have me over for dinner although the boys wore me out even more but it was nice to help them look after them. And also nice not to worry about coming home and trying to salvage the energy to making some sort of food. Thank You Lord for putting these people in my life.

Damage Inc.