I never realized how much I miss being online till my sis took her computer back. The more thought I put into it, makes me realize that it is time for me to purchase my own computer. I want to buy my own because if my parents get it for me then my sis is just gonna grab that for herself. That way if I pay for it myself, she can not take that to school with her. What irony though, today she called me to tell me that she thinks she broke her computer. Also having a new computer means being able to play Ghost Recon with the boyz, and not to forget Kasibreeze.

The past 48 hours have been pretty tough for me. On friday, I found out that my grandma has checked into Troy Beaumont. I've been making midnite visits to see her since all my relatives had left. It's makes it easier for me to because I can talk to the nurses and read the reports without being disturbed. My first night there, I held her hand and she was talking to me about how she used to take care of me and the rest of her grandchildren. She kept talking about how she felt that out of all her grandchildren, that I turned out the best in terms of helping out with the family and that I always listened (hard to imagine). She kept telling me about my younger days, until I couldn't take it anymore. I started to cry, tears kept rolling down my face, and I gave her some water to make her stop. I told her to get some sleep and then I took off with tears in my eyes, thinking that I want to do something for her to make her feel better but I can't.

Last night I went back, to read the reports and talk to the nurses. Their has been no set timetable for her to be released because the doc still doesn't know the cause of it yet. It's been hard for me to try to focus on the CCUC sidestuff and the b-ball team. I'm thankful for Dan and Jocelyn really helping me out the past couple of days to take some of the load off my shoulders and I appreciate them praying for my family as well. Every year, Gamebreaker and I always make some sort of dedication to CCUC to someone. I have decided to dedicate this year's CCUC to my grandma, then Kenny Tang, and whomever I decide for my female artist. I looked through photos of my grandma and I. I pulled one out and put it in my gym back so that when I take my shoes out, I will see her face too.

Today's message was an excellent one by Dale Craven. What he spoke of, has been on my mind for this past month. Are we an exclusive, B.O.C. Club? I feel like some times we have lost that touch of sincere, and genuine care for one another. It just seems like people get looked down upon by others, or aren't good enough to be able to talk to, or intimidated by other people. Here's an example of true caring:

Thursday nite, I was at v-ball practice, and the whole Moy family came. That night we learned that my little Ashley had gotten into an accident where she suffered a broken finger and required surgery. I was upset because this is not only one of my kids at ACA, but also at CBC. Jonathon though began to cry because Ashley is a good friend of his. His parents kept telling him that they will all pray for her when they get home from v-ball practice. I stood next to Jonathon, to tell him that I will pray for Ashley too because I care about her too. Jonathon began to hold on to my leg and cried, and all I could do was give him comfort.

I was just blown away by Jonathon's care for Ashley. I felt like wow, this 2nd grader knows how to care for others better then us adults. He's been blessed with a great set of parents too. Today's message really hit home for me, when was the last time I cared about someone as much as that? Or like Dale said today, do I treat and see people like a B.O.C. Club? I notice their are people whom don't get no love it seems like, and I know I can do a better job of it.

I also feel bad for Peter because he does not have a team to go to CCUC. I felt like I did my best to help him and kept remaining faithful that something will workout even when others believed that their will be no team. I felt like I failed, Peter because I kept telling him to remain faithful and that God will provide. Now I wonder, was I just too naive on this matter? Of all the teams going to CCUC this year, I really wanted to see Peter's team win it all in B. For my 4 years of v-ball, Peter had always been so willing to give away his talent so that the other B teams could remain strong. He always played with what he had. I hope things can workout with what Dan and I proposed in order for him and Tim to still go. I feel like their was more that I could do for them in order for them to get their own squad. I just felt like I let Peter down when I had to talk to him about it.

CCUC is only 5 days away, yet there are still things lingering in the air. Can't wait to just take off and go to Chicago, but a part of me will still be here as long as my grandma remains in the hospital.

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