I slipped away
Closer to me
The only thing that is real
I'm falling behind
But now I can see
Your absence helps me heal
I push you away
I keep you from me
Is this what it takes
To keep me alive

Last night as I was working out or rehabing as you could say, I forgot about something else. I just wanted to say thank you to all y'all for praying for me and checking up on me. Without your support, I don't think I would be where I am today. Thanks for your concern as some of you are worried about me pushing on it already with the workouts. But tear or no tear, I gotta get ready for the tournament. Plus as Kobe says, "Why do I work myself so hard? So I can play that much harder."

I've been wanting to talk about this for a while now too, but what is the deal with SARS? I kept thinking about this tournament since we've got a whole herd of chinese peeps, and wouldn't it be wierd if someone has SARS at the tournament and they infected the whole place. What I do find stupid, is how some people are not going to worship anymore at CBC because they fear someone at CBC has SARS. What I find funny, is how the same people who skip worship still attend the sports outreaches. I mean what is the difference? So here's my deduction in all this: Fear SARS? No, Fear God? Yes! All I can think about is my family back in the motherland, and in Toronto. I've been even pondering the thought of going to Toronto soon too, just to see my family and friends, plus to see how bad it has really gotten out there.

Falling Apart

Well after yet another frustrating day of not being able to do anything athleticly. I went to Beaumont for what I was hoping one last time. I came in and saw the specialist, he gave me his opinions of what he read on my MRI. So how did it all go down? Well my MRI shoes that I do have a large tear in my lateral meniscus which would require surgery to take care of whether now or in the future. However, the doc ran some individual tests on my knee, and he was amazed at how fast I have been healing. So with that he said "It's amazing at how fast you've healed, so go back to your normal activities, and I'll see you in a month to see how things are and if it is all good, then odds are no surgery". Yeah baby, that's what I want to hear, thank you, God for always blessing me with the ability to quickly heal. Ever since I was little, I always knew I had it in me that I could heal faster. Also everytime I have gone to the doctor's at some hospital, the doc has always commented on how fast I have healed. Example, was when my sis and I both had the chicken pox at the same time. She was out of school for 3 weeks at least, while me on the other hand only a day or two. I look forward to doing the rehab sessions that the doc gave me because finally I can start pushing myself to get back into shape after a week of feeling like a potato. On the downside though, I'll need to wear this knee sleeve thing but depending how things go I might drop this notion too. So who wants to ball?

After the doc's I went to OU to find out my grade in dreaded MTE. I kept thinking ok, all I need is a 90 or better out of 200 to pass the class with a 2.0 So I look the door to see my exam grade and what did I get, an 85! So I'm thinking oh great, however thanks to the curve I still passed the class with a 2.0 Gosh I was cutting it a little close, maybe I should of spent more then 15 minutes of studying in this area. Oh well, their is a saying at OU which is "If you can pass any OU math course with a 2.0 or better on your first attempt then you are a math genius." I mean you have so many people retaking calc here at OU for their 3rd or 4th time, yup you better believe math here is hard, as much as I hate to admit it. Anyways praise God for His grace of the little curve, plus it was a good thing I did the extra credit too. Ok, who wants to ball?

Get Busy

Man all I gotta say is this is so frustrating! Today I was so bored and I was so itching to go to the Rec Center to start working out again. But dang it, I can't tempt myself if I am underestimating the extent of my injury. I got my MRI film back and I asked for a copy of the notes of what the doc said who did the MRI on me. It's tearing me apart because one sheet sounds like my knee is all good while the other says it is really bad. I already got Dr. Kim's opinion and she is leaning more on the bad parts. Man the suspense is killing me to wait till Monday morning to find out what the specialist says. No matter what though odds are you can bet I'll be getting a 3rd opinion.

You know what else is frustrating, is the fact that watching the T-Wolves vs. Lakers game. The game had so much drama, and it just made me want to go out to the park and start balling. Driving home from campus today, I saw one guy just shooting around at one of the new b-ball parks around here. I am so pumped for the NBA playoffs because all the guys but one, I've been trying to model my game after. Watching T-Mac, Kobe, KG, and AI is so frustrating because I can't play. Another thing is, you know after watching tonight's Laker's game, I gotta say that the ugliest player in the NBA has to be Mark Madsen. I practically jumped off my couch, when KG blocked the snot out of his shot. I was so pumped that I started to talk trash to the tv thinking Madsen can hear me.

After the game, Kenny Smith said something interesting and I gotta agree with this too. He said that their are 3 levels in which players play on, they either play at a championship level, a playoff level, or a I'm going home, gone fishing level.

Which brings me to this thought I had last Saturday at b-ball. I love the fact that when we're playing ball that whoever guards me is so focused on shutting me down. All they can think about is shutting me down as in not scoring any points. Like they don't care if I get assists just as long as it is not points on them. It goes to show how much some people understand about the game. I mean to me getting assists is as good as me getting 2 points on my own. It's like I can still dominate the game without scoring, but you can bet the game is close you know who is gonna get the ball. It's like people think that a dominating player is someone who can score 50 points in a game and that's it. I mean hello, Ben Wallace dominates the game without scoring, John Stockton as well. So just remember, assists are just as good as points, and their is always being a dominating player down at the other end of the court.

Yup, you can tell that I am frustrated because all I blogged about is b-ball and the fact that it is like 3:20 a.m. Gosh I can't sleep without playing a little now. Ahhhhhh I don't know how I'm gonna be able to contain myself to stay home on Saturday. Gosh is Mark Madsen an ugly player or what?

Downfall

Yes, I can say now that Finally The Great One has finished yet with another semester. Gosh dang that MTE final was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Maybe I should of put in more than 15 minutes worth of studying into it. So as I sat in class aimlessly trying to figure out how I am gonna BS my way through like a handful of math problems, I decided to try and figure what I need to pass this class. I need at least 90 out of 200 points in this class to pass the course with a straight up 2.0 Oh man, I hope I get enough partial credit to get through this final, otherwise I'm gonna be in this course again :( I should of never decided to sleep and studied. The choices we make in life I tell ya.

On the brighter side of things, I got my EED grade back already, and yes I'm a little pissed about that grade too. Yeah, I got I was a 3.6 but hoping for a 3.9 but my prof has enough courage to write on my portfolio to tell me to go to the ASC. What's up with that! I poured my fricking time into this class and she tells me that, man I ought to tell her that she needs to know her role next time and that she better check herself before she wrecks herself. Anyways, a 3.6 and a 3.7 and hopefully a 2.0 I would consider this a pretty good semester considering all the goofing off I did during class.

And now it is time to pick up my MRI, anyone knows how to read this so I don't have to wait till Monday to find out my destiny? Also lately, I gotta say that the 5:14 has been really encouraging to me because of how it is growing. It's also lead me to challenge myself even harder to make sure that I grow spiritually and that the group does too, otherwise we're just another social club. Also now I'm in this Gladiator mood probably because I just borrowed the cd from llz. But dang it, I feel like I'm on this mission to lay the smackdown on this road to recovery.

Always

So I wanna say thank you
Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Makes me learn a little bit faster
Makes my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

So what has been on my mind while I continue on my path to recovery. Well today I felt really cool as I had to get an MRI, my very first one! I was excited because of the fact that like NBA players have to go through this. But once I was laying down on that bed, it took a whole 25 minutes for them to scan my knee. I thought this was like a 1 second thing. Let me tell you that laying still for that amount of time is very hard. Now comes the scary part, depending on what the MRI reads, as Dr. Stroud said to me "If the MRI says it is good, then you will just need to get some physical therapy, however if it does say something else then we will need to discuss other options". Hmmm other options, hint hint means surgery.

So whether I get surgery or not, hopefully not two things keep flashing in my head. I keep thinking about the Kobe Bryant Sprite commercial, how he is working his butt off so that he can only play that much harder in the game. The other thing is Christina Aguilera's song Figher, the NBA Playoff song to this year's playoff. So I bought the cd today :) Praise God though that I did meet my goal since my injury, of being in playable shape by Tuesday night v-ball. The past 48 hours, I've continued to test and push myself to see how far I can go each hour without pain. So yesterday, I lost the brace, and today I decided to get rid of the crutches. So hopefully at the rate I am going at, God will say no surgery :) Again my ultimate goal is full recovery within 3 weeks, that is if no surgery is required. If it happens then, anything goes.

On the bright side though, I found out yesterday I won 3rd place at this Scrapbook Store next to my house. Gosh I've never won in a raffle before. Then again, does this hurt my image as a male, especially to Brother Steve, and Rich?

Dirrty

What an Easter it was for me, let's see all I did was watch every single NBA playoff game there was on tv. Define irony though? I remember one of the first things that ran through my mind on Saturday was that episode of Saved By The Bell, where Zach twisted his knee and tore some cartiledge and had to get an operation. Well guess what? That episode was on this morning as I woke up and decided to watch it. Is God trying to tell me something here? Will I end up like Zach, and have to get an operation? Well I'll find out in about 3 hours from now to see what will happen. Again I am still shooting for no surgery and still trying to figure out what is God's Will in all this.

On the bright side, I went to school early today to get a good parking spot so I don't have to crutch my way all around school. I ran into Tara, and I decided to go down with her to see what she is gonna get in our SCS class. Prof. D told me my grade in the class too considering that she wanted the rest of us to come in on Thursday with our binders in check. Well I didn't have my binder but she figured that it would of been all good so she gave me a 4.0 on that. So my final grade in the class came out to a 3.7. Yay go me! That is like my highest grade at OU by far, well next to Intro to China, which I think that was a 3.8. Now for that dumb MTE final now.

Pain Is Temporary
The Game Is Forever

Ok so today has to be one of the worst days of my life. I can't believe I'm saying this but I wish I could go to work. Nope instead, I'm stuck in a rut because I can't walk, barely stand. I'm still trying to remain positive and understand what it is that God has in store for me. It's just so frustrating with this brace on and having crutches that I can't do my normal things.

Yesterday, I had everything planned out for my spring schedule. I was gonna take 2-3 classes to speed up this thing called graduation. However, depending on what the doc says this week about my knee, things could change. I am really praying for no surgery because I don't know how long that will take me out for. I mean do I unregister for spring classes it surgery is required? The doc did say that I will have to go through physical therapy too, this is to be sure so my knee will be back 100% to be able to go back out and compete. So what is my goal? My goal is first, really pray hard for no surgery and hope this is a Ben Wallace type of injury. Second thing is that I want to be 100% right before the Chinese Tournament. No matter how hard I have to push myself through physical therapy, I want to play in that tournament. But I know it all depends on You above. So please Lord, be with me in this time and help me understand why I am going through this time.

No Pain, No Gain

Man has today been a unprouctive day of the fruit. Let's see since last night's wonderful Bible Study lead by Andy, I have been sleeping for the last 12 hours out of the past 17 hours. The only time that I was awake for in that 5 hour time span was because Kelly called me because I overslept for class again. So I ate a little bit, had a food coma, then went back to bed only to realize that dang it I need to produce some sort of fruit today. So I decided to go to school and attend a class that I don't even take. However, I did finish 2 sections of homework, go me! Well I like to think that the whole time I have spent sleeping is because God wanted to restore me physically, as I have been drained lately after pulling the all nighters and then only averaging a couple of hours a sleep each night. However, I must not get complacent with my new found energy, so I need to go to the Rec Center tonight and use it to good use.

So lately I've been reflecting a lot, especially about who I am. I just bought the new Linkin Park cd, and now that I just found it, mine is a gonna be a limited edition because they are recalling all of them back. Ya know I love Linkin Park, I believe that they are one of my all time favorite groups because a lot of their songs make me reflect about my life, also a lot of their songs get me pumped to play, and a lot of their songs on their cd's are really good. Their cd's are not like 1 hit wonders. Anyways, I do a lot of my best reflection time when I am driving on my own, actually reflecting during class is up there too. Going back to reflecting while driving, their's just nothing better than driving with you and God and the open freeway. To top that, driving at 100 mph plus, blasting away to Linkin Park just got me really thinking about last night's Bible Study.

We were studying about the Parable of the Talents. I took a look around to see all these people that God has provided for this fellowship and it got me realizing to this.I realized that I need to challenge myself harder in studying God's Word if I am called to be one of the leaders of the 5:14. I just want to praise God for the numbers tonight, but may He also give us the wisdom to help or challenge the group to grow not only in numbers in spiritual growth.

Also with the study of our spiritual gifts, I was thinking that yeah I have a good idea of what my gifts are, well I hope I do. But I need to focus on my weaknesses to try to make them my strengths as well. So what is it that I am thinking about? Well I think a weakness of mine is expectations, like in all my ED courses, teachers are called to have high expectations of their class. But then I think about like the dating principle, I believe I'm better off single because I expect too much in a relationship. Then if I am playing in a league or something, as a team don't you set a goal? So what's the difference between setting expectations and setting a goal, I ask? Gosh and my peeps that I know who are getting engaged within this past week has jumped to 5. Did I miss out on some sort of engagement convention or something? And thinking back about what C said to me earlier, I think you're right about females going through this time. So with that don't worry to all my freaks out there, y'all find you're special someone out there soon enough.

Somewhere I Belong

Wow what a good combo I got going on over here. I haven't slept since Sunday night due to the dumb portfolio and it is boiling in the ED building. As finally the semester comes to an end, yesterday I decided to let out some of my frustration at people in SCS. So what were the convo's like yesterday during SCS? Usually I am the loud obnoxious one but yet I keep the class entertained. Well I did my best to avoid people who were annoying me or in this case sucking the life out of me. Here's how it went with some people.....

Prof: I'm handing out a fun activity to do
J: Oh is this the activity with the pumpkin?
Me: No, this is the activity where I let out flying helicopter kicks to all y'all who are bothering me
Class: Laughing

Another good convo during SCS,

M: Hey Ke..
Me: burp
M: can you....
Me: burp
M: stop...
Me: burp
M: will you...
Me: burp, oooooooh shut your mouth now

3rd convo......

A: Gosh I hate the lady
M: Oh yeah I agree
Me: Why y'all gotta be hating on her
A: Because she's always talking about how good her stuff is
K: Yeah she sucks up
A: Gosh I can't stand her
Me: Alright, A, you need to shut up and stop hating on her, while you're at it get a new jersey
Class: Laughing

4th convo,

Prof: I'm passing out the Bird in the cage activity
Me: (reaching over to grab it from M because she is trying to update her own work while some of us are getting screwed by not being able to see it)
M: Hey don't touch my stuff
Me: Well dang, maybe I wouldn't if you'd pass this (about to give her the number 1 signal) bird down to some of us
M: Well I'm just a little stressed over trying to keep up with my stuff
Me: Alright just keep being selfish
Class: Oooooooooh, laughing

Yup, I had a very good communication day with some of the people in my SCS class. I don't know if I have the right to or not, but dude I'm tired of some of the people in there and it's just time for me to put them in their place. Like I got one person talking to my boy Eric, about the types of alcholic drinks and I am wondering why are you even talking about it when you don't even touch this stuff? Does this make you feel cool so you're talking about alchol, what the G happened to your faith about being a good Catholic girl? I'm sick of the fake people in this class.

On the positive though, B and I had a funny convo about sex since massages don't cut it. and congrats to you too Kelly on your engagement. Dang you're only 21 too with a nice big rock on your hand. Also did I miss some sort of engagement party or something because this makes it like 4 people I know now who have been proposed to this week. Anyways, I'm just glad this semester is almost over because I can't take being with some of these peeps who I thought were amigos to me, instead it just felt like they were wearing the ya know out of me. What a touchin moment we had though after EED with Sarah, Melissa, Julia, Angela, and myself. I'm gonna miss them and Melissa never underestimate the heart of a champion, Go Wings! Angela if you have SARS thatyou keep sneezing all over me then I will kill you before your plague kills me :)

Point of Authority

Gosh I feel like a loser, getting to the ERL right when it opens, what is it and my prob with procrastination? Anyways, yesterday I had to speak in front of the whole congregation. I spent like the whole week praying and I didn't even say half of the stuff that I wrote down. So what happened, well pretty much I froze. It is so nerve racking standing up and speaking now I see why GP B gets paid the big bucks. It was probably the 4th time ever since I've been at CBC speaking in front of everyone. I mean I've done skits in front of the whole congregation but that's because I can mess up and improvise while just standing there and speaking is like soooo freaky. Hopefully I reached out and touched someone, actually I did I think because someone did talk to me afterwards about it, so go God, and thanks for being with me.

Also yesterday, I made my sorry looking portfolio. However, watching sister Cathy, Connie, Chrissy, and Queenie do their little stamp thing, I honestly think it is actually kind of cool. What made it cool to me was when Chrissy did some sort of U of M card and it made me think of all sort of cool creative sport cards that I could do. But uhhh guys and stamping does that even go together? Man, I have an image to protect here. I would probably get no love from the guys anymore especially, Brother Steve. Maybe it's all those stamp fumes that got in my head last night, yeah that's it. Or actually I think it was probably Audrey's poop fumes that got into my head.

Also I'm glad to have gotten out of bed when the sun rose this morning. Yes I got up butt early this morning for the reason of procrastination. What ran through this morning as I was driving around? Well I'm thankful to see all my peeps getting engaged, what a rock Jenny had on. On the flip side of that though, it just made me wanna go running and work out today. Their is nothing better than pushing yourself to the hardest to get the ol' heart pumping.

Fighter

Why is that we always complain about petty stuff or things that benefit us? I know I do that a lot at least, and I gotta agree with Big Nasty about what our ancestors went through just for us to be where we are today. The past few days, God has put in my mind a bigger role of outreach. I talk to a lot of people on campus about salvation and who Jesus is, because I do it alot to help prolong my attempts of doing homework. However, Kelly's Bible Study really spoke to me about missed opportunities or that I don't want to be that rich guy either. I've been praying about this a lot for the past few days to see what it is that God wants me to share this Sunday in front of the whole congregation. Also I want my heart to be pure in doing this because if I did this and it made me feel good that is totally the wrong reason. Often times people think serving is all about making them feel good or even worst look good, this is where I want to make sure that I am no where near that. God has used me in a lot of ways these past few months and I feel like I haven't been giving him enough praise for all the things He has done for me, gosh I'm such a sinner! And last night I had a long talk with a man who God placed in my life before I even accepted Christ to really be thankful in how much he has done for me as well.

Yet today, I kept getting frustrated because of the no love policy I get from some peeps. It's like I put in a lot of effort to helping everyone out in my classes but none of it comes back to me when I need help. That's why integrity is one of the most important things to me as a teacher and as a Christian. And I keep thinking back about what Chrissy shared from James even though gosh dang it, I thought part of that passage was in Proverbs, but I need to make sure that I keep my emotions in check. On the bright side of things though, I'm happy that I got my student teaching evaluations back yesterday. My teacher, gave me the highest scores you could get on these things so I was excited because I felt like I didn't do a good enough job when I was student teaching. Anyways, it's time to get some work done again.

Over-protected

Hey is this thing on?
Nobody is telling me just what I wanna do
I'm just so fed up with people telling me to be
Someone else but me

Call me crazy but you gotta love this weather we are having of late. What's been wierd as of this past weekend was that it took me an abnormal hour and a half to get home from work. As I was driving home at night everything was pitch dark due to power outages. Also the restaurant has been getting crazily busy with everyone in Lapeer losing power that it the weight for a lot of people's food had to be within a good hour to an hour and a half wait. Of course some people were getting pissed with the amount of time it took but it's like dude keep complaining and I just want to ask them, uhh let's see you do better when you are out of cooked rice, egg rolls, sweet and sour chicken, and as usual ABC. It got to the point where my mommy didn't even bother taking calls anymore. What is worst for my parents is that they still don't have power at their house. So without heat, and electricity what have they been doing? Well they have been sleeping at the restaurant and will keep doing so till they get power back at their place which is not till Wednesday supposedly.

What sucked yesterday was that OU decided to close school after I get out of my class. Although I was only in class for about an hour since their was only like 10 ten of us there. Also I saw Crossroads last night for first time and I gotta admit it was a fairly decent movie. However Melanie is saying that it was a horrible movie. The movie made me think of when I got my diploma and asked the same question Britney did, which was where do I go from here? I love to drive around to new places because it helps me reflect upon my life and what lies ahead of it. Also I had thought of how the trip to Chicago was this year, and seeing how the 3 girls bonded made me think of just seeing us guys of CBC drawing a closer bond with one another. If you haven't seen Crossroads then you should see it.

Anticipating

Hmmm a few thoughts here, well first off I want to say what a great team dinner we had the other night. It was a nice time to get away from the game and relax and to get to know each other better. Sorry Sponger that you couldn't make it. Also good bye to ya Cindy, I'll be sure to visit ya when you are an official Spartan. However, it is nice to see that Lisa wants the team to play together over the summer too, so I guess we'll see where God takes this team.

Which moves me to talk about CCUC since finally the ice has been broken at both outreaches. I've narrowed my choices down to All Men's A v-ball, A b-ball, or C b-ball. Before I even get to my own situation, I would have to say that I hope the all-women's team forms. I know some people have their gripes, but first thing is that God will provide. Also, I believe that other people see them as like the only setters or something at CBC. But has everyone forgotten that their are still some good guy setters and at the very least you would only need a girl who can pass atleast average to still have a very effective team. Also maybe this will cap our teams a little bit, but for something like this I would like to see the more the merrier. I love seeing people's faces, like Mike last year who went and I'll never forget the smile on his face as he enjoyed the tournament and the fellowship also.

So where do I go from here? Well if CCUC was today I would be leaning to A b-ball just because I'm tired of seeing CCUC winning it. Plus for the love of the game what makes it fun is the competition and the trash talking to all the other teams.

All Men's v-ball is nice too but I don't want to bring in people from outside. I want it to be homegrown right here in the heart of CBC. I would like to play here because the fun part in this is, it is a challenge to see how far I can push myself.

C b-ball - Now this would be straight up fun with all my boyz. Plus I would think we would be a favorite to win the C division, but I just like the fact that I think it would be a great bonding time as well. However, I think other people would like to play on this team and I would feel bad if I exclude people from it, so that is the only downer on this one.

Boom!

You know what sucks is that I tried getting into one of the hardest classes to be able to get into last night and it was full. I guess it is God's way in telling me that maybe I should only take one class this spring. But ooooooh that means a longer time to graduate.

Well I am also on a good streak of not sleeping since Sunday night which was only for a good couple of hours. I pulled an incredible all nighter last night where I wrote my term paper, did my group project which was more like a solo project, and I had to watch Dangerous Minds for this project. Actually I watched it 3 times straight this morning. And for the first time ever this semester, I skipped a class, which was MTE, thanks Kelly for covering for me. Well I'm thankful that these Double Hell combo days are over now as in Monday and Tuesday. Plus I don't have to go in early for student teaching tomorrow so I can get a little sleep in tonight after v-ball. If only I had a free day now these days.

Who's Next?