Ok, this fricking blows because I just wrote a nice little blog but yet it gets erased. Dang it, I knew I should of used Alec's method. Anyways, to shorten up now, my day at work sucked as I was doing a good job with taking out my frustrations out at the customers. I thought about what Thumbs said to me a while ago about being the light to help bring me back down. Now I sign on only to find more bullshit from someone using AIM. Actually it is just too funny how I get shunned.

However their was a bright spot in my day. I recieved an email and it was the best thing that happened to me today. I just want to say thanks to God for using this person to speak to me. Thank you, you know who you are, that email was very appreciated.

Ok yeah my first entry was better, dumb blogger!

Fast Car

My loves a broken record that's
Skipping in my head
I kept praying yesterday
Why You gots to play these games we play
I ain't trippin
I'm just missin You
Ya know what I'm saying
Ya know what I mean
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I've been wishing You would call me on the telephone
Say You want me back, but You never do, I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do
I'm such a fool for You
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
I'd still break it
I miss You even more

After some time of reflection last night and today, I finally understand what Stacie is saying now. Last night the word I kept thinking about was, integrity. Ever since BSF, that is something I treasure the most, my word is my bond. Although I've probably let some of you down because of something, I hope at this point I have maintained a high level of integrity.

Then I was driving around today, in which could be my new car, the newest bad boy on the block, the 2004 Grand Prix GTP fully loaded. I was cruising down I-69 switching back and forth from automatic to manual transmission, which is probably the coolest part of this car. I have a cool engine boost on this bad boy and I can put it into overdrive. The max speed on this sucker is 140 mph, and if I purchase this thing, I wonder if I can break my record at 112 mph. The only thing I dislike about this car is that it only comes in 4 door, uh yuck.

Anyways going back to integrity, I had a long talk with a sister last night who seems to be struggling in her walk. Although, I'm not at the highest either but I just wish I could do more for her than just pray to cheer her up. I hope that what I said to her meant something and that I was honest with it and not just yapping or whatev's. Although it is hard not to judge, but what has been getting to me lately is other people's integrity. I don't want to doubt some people or not have believe in them but ya know it's just getting to that point with me. I mean if you asked me what's wrong, at this point I would just flat out say, "Nothing, just sick of some people's bullshit." I don't know how people can live with just uttering words or guarantees or promises, and not have any integrity.

As I was talking to the car salesman today, I was wondering if she was bullshitting me about the price. Or as I was watching some tv today, certain commercials talked about guarantees, yeah let me tell you their is no such thing except for Jesus's promise. Or how bout the word warranty, it seems like to some people that friendships are like a warranty, only last for an x amount of years, months, days, etc.

The tough part right now is that I know I fall short in other areas and maybe not in integrity but other sins in my life. Hmm actually I have a good one, I can think of right now about myself. Maybe like Shub's stalker counter and Big Nasty's sin counter, I should start a sin counter for myself. Anyways, at this point, if you wanna talk to me, great, but don't bullshit with me that's all I ask for, do it from the heart because you want to not because you have to. No more of these ridiculous games, please.

Faded

What was funny today was how Prof. C asked how much sleep do I get? I responded with an average of 4 hours, so he wondered why? Simply put, life is too short for me to sleep these days, and it just seems like every night it gets harder to try to get some peacefull rest.

Tonight we celebrated our famous McDonald's President, so I just want to say happy b-day to Kelly. Well it's kind of over now but eh one more shout out doesn't hurt. I can't believe she is only 23 now, only a year older than me, yet we are at different stages in our lives. I did some more driving around today before 5:14 to ponder just exactly what stage of my life I am in. I felt so at peace just sitting outside on their patio and meditating trying to discern some of the things that is happening.

I just got another checkup from my own team of physicians. Brother Steve, says I look pretty good now and no more ice, and the swelling has completely disappeared. Again, I give all my praises to God for my ability to heal quickly. Gosh I can't wait to go to the doc's this Monday and show him that not only did I heal from it, but I healed from it twice. I want to be able to pull off the impossible here. Man I just want to work out tomorrow to take out my frustrations that's been going on, however I can't be naive and be patient to wait for another evaluation.

Incomplete

Just some random thoughts as it is only 2:30 a.m. right now and the rest of the world is asleep. Maybe Rich was right and I am an outlier in terms of people who need a fixed amount of sleep to function. Or maybe I am just an outlier to society these days? Today was a day of reflection for me as I drove around aimlessly just reflecting about what's going on with myself these days and my surroundings. Man I like covered a good portion of Wixom and Novi for like 1-2 hours.

I just bought Final Fantasy 1 & 2, and I still haven't even finished 7 yet. However now I can say is that I have every series of the greatest RPG makers. I remember those mornings where I had to wake my mommy up to drive me to school. She would cook me bacon, eggs, and sausage while I was playing video games.

Another memory that I share with my sis, actually it's pretty stupid but eh I do wish she was around. I remember we had to do book reports back in elementary school. I would get so lazy and just like read a few pages of each chapter then make up the rest for my report. Once I got tired of that I did another thing instead, I asked my sister to do my book reports. My sister loved to read back then, she had like the whole collection of the Bearinstein Bear Books, Sweet Valley High, and Babysitters Club books. Their were certain times, where the night of the report was due, I would wake my sis up at 4:00 a.m. to do my report. What would I be doing? I would fall asleep on her bed and she would wake me up when she was finished. I would present it to my class and of course I would get laughed out of class for having a book report of a girls book, but hey I would get a good grade.

I remember also about my sis, their was certain times I would tell her that she was adopted. I would challenge her by making her think like "hey why do you think we live in Michigan and not in the state you were born in?" So she would go on thinking she was adopted for like a week, she would start crying because she thought she never knew her real parents. I even got her to believe that we didn't really want her either. Yeah my sister would cry for days, gosh it was so funny at the time. Eh now, I just miss her and not being able to share our g'nite moments.

Well I'm not really sleepy yet but I better get off. Dang it and their is something really sticky in my hair. Man I never realized that Shaggy produced some pretty good songs. I'm starting to realize which gifts I have and which I don't, but I wonder for those that I don't can I get those through prayer?

It Wasn't Me

Happy Memorial Day to everyone, so what was the most frustrating thing about yesterday's tournament? Knowing that it was my fault that we did not advance to the Gold Division to play against Ying's team for the championship. Like Howard said, we can beat any team that was in that bracket, and I don't want to take anything away from Ying's team either. They played a hard fought finals and congrats to them. People can say yeah we didn't make it out of our pool due to bad calls, but we shouldn't have to rely on those calls. Although it was very intense to see our pool have a 3 way tie for 1st and it came down to point differential.

So why is it my fault? It is the fact that I did what everyone told me to do. During warm-ups of the first game, I gave it a go to see how I felt, which I did feel good but I listened to everyone's words of care and opted to sit out. Sitting out was the worst thing I did at this tournament, because we lost that first game. Then Howard spoked to me after that first game because he needed me only if I felt I was good to go. So I jumped into the 2nd game against Maryland because I saw how smart this team was. They did their homework in that first game, knowing who and where to attack. However, they overlooked me baby and I gave the team that intense, and emotional energy to pick their heads up. But going S.S. only did one thing for me, as JW noticed, that I could only maintain it for so long in my current condition. We did pick up the split against Maryland, but if I played that first game, we would of won and been 5-1 in our pool, instead of 4-2 and in a 3 way tie for first.

So what does sitting out the rest of the tournament do for me? Well I am excited for the CBC tournament now because I guess those flyers were circulating at yesterday's tournament. Now I want to get my chance to play against all these teams. I am especially hoping for that MSU team because I just want to talk back to their crowd. I love feeding off a crowd that is booing me or the team, because it just adds more excitement to the game. I am hoping for Yao to come and play too. Who cares if he is 6' 8", I would love that challenge to just get up there and try to block him or try to blast one right past him. Woohoo only 3 weeks away for that tournament now, and going up against Ying's team at CBC will be rewarding in itself.

Building A Mystery

Only less than 6 hours away till what I think is one of the best tournaments around here is gonna go down. Here I am counting the days away for like the past 2 months and now I am useless. Is it just a coincidence that now Dirk goes down with a knee injury and the same goes for Shaun Bradley. When I first got this injury, it was like ok Ben Wallace is going through something similar, then Chris Webber, then Shaun Bradley and Dirk in the same game. Gosh this sucks!

So the questions remains am I to play or not? I believe I can play because I have healed well enough to be on the court. I know I am not 100% healthy though. So will I play? For now I have opted not to, because first off those who have told me time and time again not to play has finally sunk in. Second, one of my closest amigo's challenged me in a way that I never thought about. Third, it was just something Don Nelson said about Dirk, and how he would not jeparodize his career for this series.

I just apologize to all those who warned me of playing, because sometimes I honestly think that I have nothing to live for and everything to fight for, or how this is really the only thing I am good at, just playing and competiting in sports. It's like ever since, I was raised, the typical chinese family, would brag about their kids and how smart their kids are. I admire my parents humility, when they had to listen to " oh how good Alan is with his cantonese compared to me or my sis" or " oh Derrick is the smartest and is gonna go to the top schools" or " oh Damon is such a good helper." My sis challenged Derrick in terms of grades, while I went the other route, sports. I just wanted to be the best athlete period in the family. Speaking of my sis, I miss her now. Anyways, the only way I'll be on the court tomorrow is if someone else on Team Bring It gets injured, or the other teams piss me off and we need that intensity on the court. At best, I'll give it a go Sunday morning to see how well I feel about moving on the court.

Stuck

Ya know after looking at this gift registry stuff, I have come to realize that I want to get married now. How cool would it be, to just put like everything that I wanted and everyone just buying it for me. Or how bout coming up with a b-day registry or Christmas registry then I wouldn't have to think so hard to buying for people.

Man, it looks like the Pistons will be out soon, but hey we got the # 2 pick. Oh well maybe the CBC Pistons will be a rocking and a rolling soon. Eerrr this stupid knee thing is taking a lot longer to heal than I thought. At the rate I am going I might be a game day decision, although someone close to me has warned me not to play. Hmmm decisions, decisions I tell ya.

Angel

For the last 48 hours, I've been doing a lot of research about theology. It didn't dawn on me till the other night just how important it is to be spiritually equipped. I always thought of being spiritually equipped was meant to be able to share God's Word to those who have yet to hear it. However, I understand now that it is just as important to know your own theology and others as well that you may come across in life.

I was thinking about Uncle Cougie's words of wisdom of the day. How often have I said things just to be heard? The verse James 1:19 covers that, it's like how often do we speak out of rage and anger? I believe it was this past Sunday's sermon, that GP B said that God hates a prideful heart. Now we all carry it in some sort of form or another. I believe one of the toughest things in life is to be rebuked. Nobody likes to be corrected, we all think we are right. 2 Timothy 4:2 talks about how we should use the Bible to correct, rebuke, and encourage one another. If God's Word is The Truth then that saying "The Truth hurts" or "You can't handle the truth" means that we are denying God's Word into our lives. So much pride do we carry in our little hearts, then again their is always Eph. 4:15 which plays a big part of restoring each other. Everyone likes to be refreshed, rejuvinated, refocused, but no one likes to be rebuked, nor restored.

Ever since a couple of years ago, I joined BSF, I believed the most important thing I got out of it was integrity. How do I live my life, am I a Sunday Christian or do I truly pursue godliness each day? Thumbs said something that challenged me, how am I being like a light in the world today? I remember on Shubs's (hehe new name I can call her now), webpage, her prayer was that everyday she would ask God to make her an extraordinary Christian. As I currently teach Jr. Church, verses that come to my mind are from James 3:1 and 1 Peter 5:2-3, which pretty much states do I preach what I teach? Or do I put on a mask in front of my kids at CBC? Integrity is so important, but yet we tend to overlook it because of our own pride. All I can do is ask God, what He wants me to do and that I remain strong and be patient, James 5:8.

In other news, today, I know I always harp about who I believe are some of the worst professor's at OU. Well I gotta say, that one of the best prof's I have right now has to be Prof. Corbets. I love the way she teaches, and the fact that all I do during class is play euchre and talk online. However, she believes in second chances, which we as believers should uphold. Also, I noticed that this heat pad, did indeed burn some of my skin off because part of my leg burns now. Also another thing about Shubs, is that she is probably if not the funniest, one of the funniest girls I know at CBC.

Don't Let Me Get Me

Well it is another whheeee hours of the morning, and I guess it must be all that exhilarting pain I feel. Yeah it hurts, but boy does the feel of pain still get some sort of addrenaline going. So the question has been to play or not to play in this Sunday's tournament? I know a lot of my friends care about me and would rather not see me play this Sunday. The way I look at it is that I live each day to it's fullest, live for the moment baby. I look at it as if what happens if Jesus decides to come down this Monday, ya know the tribulation. We often talk about missed opportunities in life and what if I miss out on playing that possible last v-ball tournament. People have told me that their will be other tournaments, well how do they know that? God decides that if there will be. Plus I just believe in myself that I can get through this tournament on Sunday. I play for the love of the game, the challenge, and the competition. So as time counts down, I will continue to pray about God's decision, and ask you to pray with me, all you gotta do is believe.

I just had a nice talk with my sis, well I'll say my sis in Christ. I'm glad to see what God has been doing in her life and all I can do is continue to pray for her. Thanks, Mei for letting me know that I'm not alone in how we feel about certain things.

Diddy

Today after BIO, I was contemplating on if I should work out or just go home. I chose to work out, figuring that it is near time for the tournament, and I could use Tuesday - Saturday to cool down my body. This past weekend, I pushed my knee harder, playing pretty much the whole day of b-ball on Saturday then playing some more on Sunday. So I was on my last set on the Leg Extensions then pop. The first thing that ran through my mind was, please leg straighten yourself out. Ok, I can't straighten it out, uhhh leg how bout can you help me stand. Ok no, great what am I suppose to do?

So I sat there, and some of the Rec Center employees got me crutches and escorted me to my car. So now I contemplate, do I go to the doc's or go home? Uhhh I better go home because I rather hope that I can heal this thing on my own. Which over the course of today it has because now I can sort of walk.

The curve ball thrown though is with only 5 days before the tournament can I be healed in time for it? I got myself a heating pad too, so I can keep the blood flowing in my knee during the time I don't play. Gosh I'm so frustrated with this but what can I do? All I can do is continue to lift this up to God and pray that this one isn't as serious as last month's. Would you pray for me too please?

E.I.

I wonder what is the true definition of insominia? For the past week now, I've been going on at most 4 hours of sleep a night. Am I still functioning properly each day, I would say for the most part. This past weekend, all I did was watch and record my CCUC 2K2 video from last year. After finishing, I had at least a page worth of notes of strengths and weaknesses of certain individual players. I love disecting game tape, rewind, play, rewind, play it is just all too interesting. I was watching our Finals game and I know for a fact that I never stated this but I believe the Finals MVP goes to Jason. He was just killing everything in sight! I loved my battle against Bao's team, because it had some good ol' trash talking with some in your face v-ball action.

I was listening to part of the sermon today, well part because I had to usher at the same time as well. GP B made an interesting point about the gift of singleness. He talked about why some people choose to stay single and it caught my attention. I keep wondering if I have that gift, but to me it's like I like to be single and I'd rather be alone. I mean I like to live alone, because I can do whatever I want whenever I want, stay up, make noise, etc. I don't know, I mean I look as if I was hooked up, then it would like hinder me from focusing on say things like the 5:14, school, working out, or even studying v-ball tape. But maybe it is like GP B said, maybe I too need to re-examine my walk in that area. Oh well, don't want to get caught up in focusing on this right ;)

The Way You Make Me Feel

Wow, does my knee hurt or what? After a long day of work, I am now chilling and studying game tape of my CCUC tape. Gosh, this brings back so many memories, I believe one of my fondest memories was just spending time with Tim and Jason on Team Bring It! All we did was give our praises to God, spend time in prayer together, and have fellowship dinner a couple of times. I think that's what I'll miss most of our Dynasty team over the past 3 years now.

I believe that's why, I want to revive the CBC Detroit Pistons this year. Wouldn't it just be awesome if all of us guys came as one body of Christ and that we believe in each other to work and play hard to win it all. The tough part about this team would be getting people to know their roles and accepting them. What I love about b-ball compared to v-ball is that I feel like I can control the game, I think that is a lot harder in v-ball or is it even possible? I guess we'll see where God leads the guys of CBC to this year.

On a sidenote about my sister, I forgot what else I have done to her. I remember one time we were shopping at back in the days called Pace which is now known as Sam's Club. I remember her sitting in the cart, and I was rocking on it. Then next thing you know I rocked it so hard that the whole cart completely flipped her over. By the time it landed, it was upside down with my sister inside caged in like an animal. I wonder if she remembers that still?

Don't Tell Me

Well the past couple of days things have slowly picked itself back up again. I saw Matrix Reloaded on Wednesday with the 5:14. I must say it was a great movie, so great that I bought the soundtrack the next day. Why did I like this movie? Because it gets you thinking, like a deeper level of thinking well at least that is what it did for me. The freeway scene was my favorite part of the whole movie. My sister went to go see it last night, and I told she shouldn't go. Why did I tell her that? Because she haven't even seen the first one yet, so she ain't gonna get what's going on in the movie. So she came back home last night to tell me of course that I was right and that she didn't have a clue what was going on in the movie.

That leads me to talk about my little sister, yes my biological one this time and not Mei or Achi. This morning she left again to spend her summer in Myrtle Beach. My sister is probably one of the most spoiled kids in America. I keep wondering how she saved up enough money to go down there again for that length of time. I solved that puzzle today as I was staring aimlessly at all the lonely egg rolls. It is just really frustrating for me sometimes because my sister always gets her way in going about things. Sometimes I feel like she takes advantage of me too, but then I always think about her room this year at MSU. When I first walked into her room, it just brought me to tears to know that she saved a lot of out baby pics together. I wish I had a copy of each one, their was one of the both of us holding hands in Toronto, one was of me holding her when she was still a little baby, another one of us sitting in front of our old place together, their was one of us sitting with our mommy in Minneapolis, and one of me hugging her and she was smiling about it.

Those were the days I would say. My sis and I had a lot of great memories, one of my all time fav's was when our parents left us in Minneapolis with some of our uncles and aunties out there while they went to Vegas. My sis and I went travelling all around Minneapolis and we even saw Harry Truman when that first came out. The reason why it was memorable because it was still a little foreign to me driving around there. I mean after all I was only 17, but I loved how my sis and I would help each other out to get through any struggles we had.

Some of my sister's worst moments of me would be (not in any order):
1) I knocked her front teeth out with The People's Elbow
2) I body slammed her through our Christmas Tree
3) I broke her arm dropping a bed frame on her arm when I was like in 1st grade.
4) I threw a burning a cigarette at her eye.
5) I slashed her in the head when we were playing hockey, yeah that knocked her out.
6) Their's more but those are some of the highlights.

Anyways, yeah I do love my sister and she knows in the past that whenever she was in trouble that I would be there for her. However, I look at her today and I'm partially upset with myself in the woman she has become today. I guess you would say this is a judgement call, but I hate seeing all of her pictures with her friends. It's like each picture of her, she always has some sort of new alcholic drink in her hands, I'm not very fond of the people she hangs out with, when I see some of the guys all over my sis, or some of my sis's girlfriends flashing their top, it just annoys me. And now she has left again for the summer doing God knows what, but I can only pray for her each night that God will look after her.

The thing I miss most about her right now and I still do this to this day. I don't know where this habit started from, but ever since we were little I would always go into her room right before I was about to go to bed. Since I was always the last one to sleep, I would go into her room to make sure she was tucked in or that she wasn't cold/hot. Last night was my last one for the summer that I got to do, yes I miss checking up on her before I go to bed.

In The End

Well it's like 2:00 a.m. and yup I'm procrastinating to do my homework and study for my first final in BIO tomorrow. I haven't been able to sleep good lately, I mean I can one part is that my bed is like a water bed now at night. I usually wake up every 2 hours to switch ice bags and the bottom half of my bed is really wet. I can say honestly it's been tough because their are times like tonight that I don't feel like I can push myself physically. I had a good talk with JW on my way home tonight. I read his blog along with Alec's (man since when is everyone blogging now) and it just really hit home some of the stuff I learned from MCBC.

I guess another reason why I've been up late is that I feel the same way as JW does. Not in terms that I lost a pet, even though I have lost a few goldfish and a tadpole. But what I am speaking of is in terms of friendships, people who I thought I was tight with. JW mentioned about his dog and we both were talking about this saying "you don't know what you have until you lost it." Basically taking things for granted, and in ways we all are spoiled. However, I just feel like my friendships with certain are just being taking for granted for. I can honestly say that for the past few days, I've been wondering what it would be like if I left? Would people really care if I did or not or would they just because that is what it took, going back to that saying. Like JW's dog, I feel like certain friendships of mine have died or are deterioating.

We are taught from God's Word to be transparent with our love towards others. However, I feel like I do a good job for the most part of showing how much I love them through Christ. However, there just comes a point in time where people just taking it for granted. Maybe I am being selfish, and seeking too much in return ya know like a little love or at least recognize the fact that I am alive. Do I still love these people that I feel the friendships have died? Yes I do, and things do happen for a reason, and I know it's all in God's control. So it's like what can I do? I honestly do have some bitterness towards some of them, but in the end I do love them. It's like what V said in her blog about forgiveness.

However, (man I am using that word way too much now) God has provided a light for me. I know Chrissy and I have talked about this as how we can be individually a light for God. But I look at the 5:14 Fellowship and it is like my light, when I keep thinking about some of those friendships that seem on the down, the 5:14 is what keeps me going. I keep flipping through the pics on everyone's websites, and it's amazing to me to continue to see what God has provided. When this fellowship first started, I felt that God gave me a vision about caring, and I mean just truly caring for one another. That people who come into the fellowship feel that deep sincerity, and genuine love for each other. It beats more of those hey how are you doing type of things. But the caring just takes us to another level, where we care for each other that we continue to pray for each other, and continue to give our praises to God. I feel like that was one part of what the MCBC Conference has taught me, is how God has molded me to try and add that into the fellowship.

Another thing that I learned from MCBC is just how we are all wounded people and we should tell each other so again we care and pray for each other. This is a sign of hey, I'm not stronger than her/him but the fact that we are all sinners. It would be nice to share with each other what has kept us down so that we may learn and feel for each other. I see that in the 5:14, we all go through struggles and God has called upon each of us at different times to lift the other brother or sister up.

I remember a couple of months ago, I was talking about how being the captain of my IM v-ball team, and how the team took the identity of who I am as a player. God has called me to be one of the leaders of the 5:14, and I feel like this fellowship has taken some of those identities that I treasure. Things like caring for each other, I'm a people person and I love the people that I come in contact with. I'm amazed of how well God has really blessed such a friendship that I have with people like Cougar, and Alec. Then their's sharing each other's weaknesses, obviously I have a lot, but that we can all learn from each other and restore one another up in Christ.

Then their is my last one that I love about this group, is what I call the Exclusion Act. I don't think anyone has ever let anyone feel left out of the group. This group is very willing to open up to each other and to get to know one another. Plus this fellowship does a great job of welcoming people whether during fellowship or at CBC. However, we are still a young fellowship and may God's prescence be filled in our hearts and during our times of fellowship.

Gosh it's like 3:40 a.m., I wonder if it is time to get cracking on that homework yet? Do I miss those friendships that are dying? Yes I do, but I won't overlook what God has provided for me through 5:14.

Another thing that I forgot to mention about how quickly it seems like some of my friendships are dying? I now know even one of them whom I considered one of my closest friends even lied to me. I personally keep thinking about what's worst to get snubbed or to be lied to? It's amazing how things are going, gosh and this person said I should be more open to trust them. I just gotta remember that I can't be shaken, and try to be like Job through all this. I wish people could just be straight up though.

Can We Be Tight

Last night, I spent a lot of time of reflection and prayer as Nehemiah would do back in the OT days. I'm thankful to God that I had a great friend to talk to as well. Thanks B for helping me know my role. So today was off to a better day for me. I went to IST and all I did was sit through 2 hours worth of lecture playing euchre online and IMing people. The thing I don't get is why do people ask me questions about the homework assignment or how to do something if they see me playing games on the computer? I can't wait till Wednesday's class as I will try to bring a couple of DVD's with me to watch during class.

Then I went to BIO for another 2 hour lecture class and this time I was caught sleeping during class. What sucks is that I sit in the front too and I want to move in the back but their is just way too much temptation back there. So as I was sleeping, the Prof. C did some sort of demonstration and the result was a loud thunderous clap. He had to do the clap near me because he said "Sorry, I had to do that to wake certain people up in the class."

The good part was though I did feel refresh after BIO, so I worked out even harder. I like the times that I have gone in to work out in the Rec Center as there aren't that many "hotties" in there to keep it like Temptation Island in there and there just aren't that many people in general so more machines are opened to use. What I couldn't get over was seeing these two guys workout. It was funny because while one of them was lifting the other would be checking out the "hotties" which for some odd reason were more than it's usual amount. Then I saw this one guy walk into the weight room and did absolutely nothing! All he did was talk to this one hottie, walk around, and then leave all in the span of 15 minutes. Gosh I guess some people are just that desperate. How did I know all this, well during the mid-point of my workout, I like to ride the bikes. The bikes are positioned so that you get a good scope of the whole Rec Center to see who is doing what. The tough part though was that their was this one good looking gal, who chooses to do her workouts in front of me as I am riding. I just wanted to pick up the bike and face it to the corner of the wall. I tell you, it's days like these that make the Rec Center, Temptation Island.

Speaking of islands, well sort, go Jenna! I knew she could win what sucked though was that I didn't have to watch my taped Survivor season finale to figure this out. Also another good song that I am considering to play to is Stacie Orrico's "Stuck", however I am still trying to figure out what Christian correspondence does this song have. I remember I went to her concert a couple of years ago, well more like she was opening up for Plus One but nontheless.

Only The Strong Survive

What the GG! I just can't sleep so I was putting down all the thoughts that were running through my mind and then bam dumb AOL kicks me off. Gosh I hate it when that happens, I might as of well played Dynasty Warriors 4 if I knew this would happen. Oh well, Dynasty Warriors 4 won't solve anything so here we go again with just some random thoughts that have plagued my mind for tonight:

First, I keep thinking about Connie's last entry, judgement. That is one of my weaknesses that go hand in hand with expectations. I often look at others before I even look at myself, which is a no no.

Second, I wonder who will be the ultimate Survivor? I hope it is Jenna, all she needs to do is win the next 2 immunity awards and she has it. Go Jenna!

Third, gosh I hope that dream I had a couple of nights ago is not true or will not come true. But the saying is dreams do come true, so if it does, please God help me brace it.

Hmmm I wonder what should be my tournament song for May 25th? I'm leaning towards any of these selections, All The Things She Said (t.a.T.u.), Lose Yourself (Eminem), or Die Another Day (Madonna). Right now my fav is Die Another Day just because I would of felt like I would die if my knee wouldn't hold up to get me through the tournament. Any suggestions?

5th, is I keep looking at one of my cd's, Trust Company. The album name is called The Lonely Position of Neutral, how true is that do I feel. Yup it sucks I tell ya, I mean people say things change for the better, but is that really true? Things are a changing, and all I can do is continue to try and keep that hope, faith, and love that things will be for the better. I know I need God more than ever right now just to seek His guidance and His direction through all this.

The last thing is how often do we take our faith, salvation, etc. for granted? How often do I do it? Why do I keep thinking about that dream or let alone petty things? What I should be focusing on is my own spiritual growth or as Chrissy would put it in her recent entries, how can I be a light of the world? Yes, I can hear God calling on me, to serve the 5:14 Fellowship and to take it to another level, because we're getting there.

You Spin Me Around

Is it a deja vu, or maybe just being brought back down to reality? Today I was noticing that my knee was getting a little weaker. I don't know if it was because of all the standing I did today or have I just been trying to work out too hard? As I'm watching Kobe dominate the Spurs, halftime came up. The latest news, was showing Chris Webber going down with an injury. I just got done going to the Kings website to read the extent of his injury. What do ya know, his MRI is exactly the same as mine! Well except mine is on the right knee, and I don't know if his tear is larger than mine either. However, he has a tear in his lateral meniscus and I have one too, gosh this sucks. I can feel for him right now since it is the playoffs. It says that he will need arthroscopic surgery and will be out 4-6 weeks! So I'm wondering, if his injury is as bad as mine, why can't he just play this thing out and postpone surgery?

That leads me to think too, if this is my fate. Am I gonna need surgery after the 2 v-ball tournaments, then will I have to be out 4-6 weeks? I just got done looking at the calender, and I mapped it all out. Say I get surgery right after the 2nd tournament, then I would say at least 4 weeks to heal. Gosh, I would just make it back in time for the OU sand v-ball league. Then it will be like a total of 2 months or so to be prepared for the CCUC tournament. I mean one kid in my BIO class shared with the class how he had to get surgery on his knee 3 times because of some tear. Dude I don't want to have to go through that! Am I dealing with the inevitable here? Or can I actually get back healthy without surgery and I mean ever? It just seems like the odds are stacked against me, all I can do is continue to try to lift this up to God.

In the mean time, I noticed I have exactly 2 weeks to do my next favorite thing about tournament time. I love to study game film, during my high school football years that's all I did during lunch. I would sit in the weight room, with some of the boyz, and my positions coach, Coach Marnon, and all we do is study our opponent's tendencies. So that's what I'll be doing with the next 2 weeks, study game tape of myself to see what I was doing wrong in the last tournament, and study the AA tournament to see what majority of the team's offense and defense are. Do I sound like a dork? You might think so, but you won't be thinking that after Team Bring It, lays the smackdown in 15 days now.

Love Changes Everything

There must be another way
Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a guy is to do
Gonna need some answers

Ya know since this spring semester started, I've had a lot of questions about this upcoming summer. I'd like to say I lifted them all up to God but I can't be sure if I did that to all of them. One question, was can I actually handle taking 2 classes at OU? So far so good I believe, I've done aight on the past 2 quizzes now in Bio, and I continue to just sit in what I call the reject corner of IST to control my actions. What's funny is since it is a technology classroom, Prof. Corbet put one of the security cameras on me. Another good thing is that, this class is filled with all older ladies pretty much so I don't really have no one talk to. Another thing is that in Bio, I just fall right asleep for part of the lecture that I don't have the energy to talk to anyone.

Another question I had to lift up to God was, if I actually do improve in everything that I am working out on? Now that I have this chart to record every single machine I do and the weight I put on it, I can see if I go up. My goal is to max out on at least half the machines I am doing by the end of the summer.

Then today God answered another question, what will I be doing in the summer, ACA or OU? Well praise God, as I will be the only counselor this year to be working every single shift. I look forward to the challenge, my only hope was though that I wish Elaine would come back too. It was definitly a lot of fun getting to know her, also the challenge of driving to AA from my house to ACA. I don't think I could of improved myself as a better counselor without her there. I'm gonna miss her around the building his year. However, I do look forward to joining the D-Town workers, with Chrissy, Cougar, Larry, and JW.

Yet, I still have many more questions that I would like to be answered. However, I know I need to be patient and it is all in God's time. I know for one thing though, that the dream or rather I'd call it a nightmare that I had last night, will not come true. I'm also hoping that I really am making great strides in my road to recovery from my knee injury. Because now OU is offering a sand v-ball league, how cool is that! But right now, I'd rather take on these two girls in my IST class just to see if they can back up their talk. To them, I'm just a regular player not knowing much, but one thing they don't know is that I don't reveal all my cards on the table ;)

I guess it's time to turn out for another wonder day of serving people yummy ABC. Before that though, I just wanna shout this out to all y'all:
Everybody throw your hands up if you are down with the 5-1-4
Everybody come follow me if you wanna be down with the 5-1-4
All we can do is praise God 4 ever more
Can't nobody hold us down
We believe

A New Day Has Come

After watching the Lakers game tonight, I have now come to a conclusion. The Lakers will not win their 4th championship in a row this year. How have I come to that logical deduction? Well, I look at my v-ball team at OU, Titans, and we were going for a 3rd championship in a row. We failed to reach that because I believe our motivation and hunger was not there to win another one. I look at the Red Wings, they failed to repeat because of the lack of hunger they had in the first round. The same could be said about the Patriots too. So my deduction is that all dynasties will end this year. Well actually the Patriots aren't really a dynasty, but oh well. Let's see the Patriots, Titans, Red Wings, and soon to be Lakers. Isn't that a great way to break it down?

However, you can bet that their will be players such as myself who will be motivated to work even harder after a loss. Everyday I walk into the Rec Center, and the first thing I see, is Joey's team picture hanging on the wall for their championship. Today, I've finally got a better routine of how to strengthen up as well. I've pretty much dropped my physical trainer just because I wasn't feeling her side of how to work out. Like last Saturday, I was surprised but also excited to see a record breaking crowd at b-ball. It's exciting to me because I like playing even harder to show them who's so you can say da man. I mean it was so frustrating with my knee as I struggled the first few games shooting like a great 5/25 from the field. However, after sharing I just felt like God gave me that extra lift, and bam in time no time, as Mike said "You gave some Kobe like performances out there." What pushed me to try and dominate each game was seeing Team Viceroy back in action, and Ryan's Cleveland Cavs.

I kinda look forward to CBC clean-up this weekend. It just gives me time to just shoot around after we finish. In other news, guess what I am buying? I am going out to buy a daily planner! For the past week, I've been noticing how unorganized my life has been and how forgetful I've been getting. I get the feeling though that this thing is gonna be like a new toy to me. I'll be sooooooo excited to this thing out for the first few days, then it will begin to collect dust for the rest of the year. This is why I chose not to buy a Palm Pilot plus odds are I would of broken that thing. But I am very excited to this daily planner, and buying some folders to organize my CBC stuff and school work a little better. Gosh I sound like a dork right now!

Oh wow, it's looks like I need to keep up on my daily Coug-isms too. Another amazing night though of 5:14 fellowship, and it's all due to God. I learned soooo much more about all my brothers and sisters too. Also my little Survivor game realized another thing about myself is that I kept getting a bunch of answers wrong. So I felt like God was speaking to me, to get to know them more, I guess I need to take more initiative in talking to people. It didn't surprise me that Kel Bel won, because she does a great job and has that fruit for getting to know people. Hmmm I guess I need to pray about this fruit for myself.

Tha Crossroads

What a wonderful 5:14 Retreat, it was very encouraging and a memorable one for myself. It was nice to drive up there and just get away from things down here just for a little bit. I wish I could of gotten home like everyone else did though closer to 4:00 p.m. instead of the time I checked in which was 11:00 p.m. So where did I go after retreat? I went to Birch Run and Flint to shop, next thing ya know I'm all the way down in MSU taking my sister's computer home then heading out to parent's place then finally home.

On my way up to Gladwin, I made a stop at SVSU to see what has changed. I would consider this my Alpha Flight year (X-Men vocab) and I saw a lot of things that brought back sooooo many memories. I used to love driving up there with my sis to see the Lions practice each year. Parts of me still kind of wished that I was there and attending classes there just because I had a lot of fun there too. However coming back home, I learned something new about ahem my Omega Red. At first, I was gonna get into this big entry about seeking retribution. But time has passed, and I will be patient and wait till the time is right. Sometimes somethings just don't change.

On the brighter side, I never realized how much time flew by after the retreat. I only have less than 20 days, to get myself mentally, physically, and spiritually prepared for what could be the biggest v-ball tournament of my life. I learned on Saturday that our division will be tougher than I originally thought. With teams flying in from certain parts of the country, this will be a blast to go up against some of the strongest players from everywhere. The sucky part is I need to continue to monitor my own minutes when it comes to playing right now. Which is the toughest part right now. I'm thankful though for the 5:14 though because just seeing where it is today and how God continues to mold this group is just so amazing, it just continues to amaze me at what God can do in my times of reflection.

Baby Baby

For the past 48 hours or so, I've had some time just driving around and reflecting. Reflecting about what though? Well for this first part, you can say that the Breadstick has inspired me to think about X-Men 2. Actually first I should put some sort of Islander watch out to see how times he reads this ;) Back in the day when, the real X-Men cartoon came out, my sis and I would watch it and we'd always pretend we were our favorite X-Men. She would always be Rogue because their both the southern gal and I would always be Wolverine. Why did I choose Wolverine though, I mean just about everyone loves him because he was just the mutant who kicks everyone's butt. However, I liked him because I felt like I could always relate to his situations. I always knew that I could heal pretty fast, but it's our past that seems to be linked. As much as I still want to forget it, it's just a part of me.

I'll just start during my high school years, which was for the most part da bomb. I mean I had my own crew, with some could say my own Yuriko and Mr. Creed, I think his first name is Hadan or John is it? Mr. Creed and I had our own enemy in a sense of Omega Red, boy this is fun coming up names for these guys. Then that day came, we accepted Omega as a close friend. Now if you know your X-Men, you know this is a no no. As days past, the group was changing, and you can say a Silver Fox got in the way of Mr. Creed and I. Next thing you know, Mr. Creed and Omega have joined alliances, and all I had left was Yuriko, but even her had changed. She became Lady DeathStrike, so I chose to leave still filled with rage. I damaged Omega's car, gosh that was fun, it cost him a bundle to replace that thing. If their was anything that was a bigger weakness of mine was my impatience and temper, lack of obeying orders, and violent ways of solving things.

So I left, I left to go up north, and join a new group, the Canadian Mutant task force or whatever they were called. I joined the Cardinal group, with new friends, a new beginning in life. However, that only last so long as if I felt I was insignificant and only played myself out of where ever I was put in. I chose to leave again, in search of my own peace. Until He came into my life, you can say God is my own Prof. X. He taught me how to suppress my rage, and still working with me in patience. He gave me a purpose and a meaning in life. He provided the CBC family, which would be the X-Men. He is our God, and He just continues to provide, seeking and helping those who are lost in their way. Sorry to those if any actually understood just what the G I was talking about, but this is between God and I :) and I just say praise God for what He has provided.

In other news today, I've been thinking back about what GP B said this past Sunday about flirting and how it is a sin. Now some peeps say that I am a flirt but I always thought of how I am is just trying to be a gentlemen. But God answered yet another prayer of mine that I had on Sunday which was in what other ways can flirting be a sin, other than talking? And He provided the answer in terms of, just how our body language is with the opposite sex. Here I'm thinking geeez if a leader is flirting then it is like double the sin if there is such a thing because after all sin's a sin. It just helps me remind myself how I need to more controlled when I talk and in my actions to the opposite sex. Anyways, I'm looking forward to seeing X-Men 2 tonight and going to the retreat this weekend. It will be a nice time to get away and reflect upon other things. Also in terms of dedication to the X-Men, I've been watching non-stop X-Men cartoons this whole week.

Orbital