Mile High City - Thanks P Dogg, I took that advice this morning and said no. I don't know if there is a nicer way or tone to say no? Anyways when I did, the person looked at me like disappointment as if I let this person down. Then the person tells me he/she will not be there for it too, which makes me ask so it is ok for this person not to be there but not ok for me?

The All-Star Weekend was for sure better than last year's in my opinion. I called it that Josh Smith was gonna win it this year. The 3 Point contest has gotten weaker these days, I mean whatever happened to the classics of like Hodges vs. Bird going at it with the average scores of 23. I wanted to go to the Rec Center and practice today because OU is having a Sports and Fitness Day Competition. I will be competiting in the Health Trivia, Sit-Ups, Obstacle course, 15 Min Cycle, Slapshot, Free Throws, 3 Pt. Shootout, and QB Throw.

The Slapshot I am kind of worried about because I am not sure if it is measuring hardest or accuracy. I am more of a wristshot person when I am shooting. I am hoping that it is accuracy because 1 year I was in the Red Wings Skills Competition, and I was in the Accuracy Contest. Out of 12 plates that I had to hit, I was able to connect on 11, if only I had 1 more puck! 3 Pt. Shootout is what I am gearing up for, because I had the jitters last year. I must get a rhythm quicker and score higher than Joe Johnson did.

However, I can not practice today because of my hand. I was carrying a pot of gravy over to the steam table. As I was putting it away, I did not see this pot handle sticking out of the table. So it caused me to knock the gravy all over my hand. My hand is super sensitive right now to whatever it touches, and I got some blistering on the palms of my hand too. Thank goodness for the cold weather because it actually is helping my hand stop having that inside burning sensation.

Blaze of Glory

Rolex - I've been watching some of the Ambassador's Retreat video as of late. I am really struggling with the thought of suffering. Do struggling and suffering go together? Have I really honestly suffered or experienced true joy described by Scott? After today, I can tell you this much that I am struggling with one key thing, time. Time is really frustrating me right now, yet His time is perfect. Yet, I am struggling with it greatly to see the big picture.

My timing has been way off for example b-ball and v-ball. Ever since coming back from IL, I have been very inconsistent. B-ball I am falling into a lot of traps and forcing way too many turnovers upon myself. V-ball, Howard was telling me how I am hitting the short ones good yet my timing is way off on the long ball. My passing and setting is off to, it's like I forgot how to play. I'm just in a rut in this area.

Then there's timing on all these service ministries I've been called into and mixing that with projects being combined with it. I am frustrated with this because I am not purposely procrastinating yet I am forced to do everything on the day it is due.

It also looks like the time has come for my sis too. This Sunday it looks like she is moving out to Charlotte to further her opportunities. I don't know how I could keep the house the way it is without lately with everything I am doing. Taking care of the house will just be another added thing for me to spend time on.

Am I seeking Him hard enough? One thing for sure is that I cannot say I am full of joy right now. I noticed another thing is just a couple of reminders that hit me today is DTA. Well it is almost Friday, and I just want to be alone. I just want to let go and go crazy or something where I don't have to worry bout responsibilities. Selfish? Immature? Maybe I'll be able to do some of that at Jonathan's party on Friday nite and Kristyn's party on Saturday nite. Where do I go......

Beautiful Life

HeartBreakers - Tonight, I watched the crowning of the new champs for IM B-ball. Then again I'm glad Lance and John won because I got much respect for their game. As for us, Darko's team we got upsetted last night in the 2nd round. It was frustrating because most of my teammates bickered more with the refs than play the game. Man, I hate that feeling of losing but that will only push me harder for next season.

Another moment, tonight was this one girl I'll call E. She works in the Rec too, and she kept asking me bout her V-Day's gift. Do people not know that everyday is V-day or what? I mean last week, she was all over me and now with this gift thing. Anyways, I think she mad at me because of 2 things. First, I gave her a V-Day's gift, a shaver that all Rec Staff are suppose to pass out :) Yes I'm bad like that. 2nd, I think she was jealous because Katie and I walked out together back to her place. Man the drama at the Rec ya know, I just come to do my thing in the gym/weight room.

Tonight, I got a chance to see the v-ball teams for this semester's season. I've seen how M and J been acting so cocky around the Rec because they are good. They keep picking on the defenseless, well now the season starts and I want to see if they can do that to me. They upgraded their team to a new level. They forget that I can do the same as 6-Pack has made our own free agent signee, Andi. She used to run with Joey's team back in the days, but now she has no team left. At the time, Andi was among the top 3 girls in the league. Kristyn and I are excited that Andi has joined us because out of 9 Finals, we have 5 and Andi has the other 4. It shows we're winners and will push ourselves to the limit. She is one of the most athletic girls I know too, because Andi can walk around doing handstands.

In addition, in the girl's league I noticed my OU Staff girls did not want to defend the title. Personally, I do not want to see the Big Bad Booty Mama's winning it this semester because I believe they are a disgrace to the game of v-ball just how they act and treat others. So I took it upon myself to form my own girl's team, as we look at the roster of V, Kristyn, KareBear, SpongeBob, Andi, Katie, Katie, and Mandy Mac. V, Kristyn, KareBear, and Mandy Mac are the defending champs and now I get to be the coach for them in 6's. They keep wanting me to come up with a creative name, so with these 8 ladies, they will be called Bump N Grind.

The all guys league has been cancelled because no one wants to challenge our team, Pass This! Anyways, time for bed as I gotta wake up early to pick up Monica for Cranbrook and classes.

Trip Around The Sun

The Butler Part 2 - It's amazing who He uses to encourage me, and thanks for the prayer support. Another day of breakin down everything I had more on my mind bout what was said to me yesterday by various peeps. First off, now some can think all I am doing is complainin and not doing anything about it. Well if you are one of those peeps, then you're dead wrong because I've been spending time with GP B trying to let's say rock the boat. It was said that 10% of the peeps is doing 90% of the work, hmm I wonder if that is true? I've been seeking others as well to get their opinion on possible changes @ CBC. I just could not believe one person was telling me bout not wanting to rockin the boat cuz she wanted to keep the peace among 2 peeps. I challenged her with the thought that we're here to make peace and not keep it.

Back to the question I last posed as well, one reason why things are the way they are is because of personal pride/stubborness @ CBC. I figured with all this going on with me, I tried my hardest to ask some peeps for help in terms of service, very lil things. Nope, every where I turned to I got the door slammed in my face full of rejection. Oooh ok then, more treasures for me up there then I guess ;) This is why I go at things alone for always teaching myself not to depend on anyone. It's all good, going alone on these things well I wouldn't have it any other way. I do feel much better after venting and repenting lately, seeking every fruit possible for myself.

I am up for the challenge now.

I Want To Live

The Butler - Hmmm a lot of verses came to me in my head yesterday, serve one another, serve Him with joy, do not complain, pray continuously, etc...... I'm glad I took the night to woosah before posting this, but I still may get a little fired up as I post this. I may even come off with a bigger plank in my eye too.

Yesterday, I walk into worship hoping to turn down that Sunday School teaching ministry so that I can focus on my own worship. I guess when I say no in a loving way, it does not mean much because not only am I kind of stuck with that ministry, I gained a new ministry to serve on top of that. I'll do my best to leave out names in this one. Yesterday, as I was observing the Sunday School lesson a lot of the kids were asking me if I could be their new teacher. I always like to know why, and they said it is because I make the lessons exciting and fun to learn plus it helps when they say I am a funny guy. Another person was supposedly contacted to help out in this ministry, but it seems like they backed out so it's on me now.

What irks me even more is talking to various people yesterday. I mean you had others bashing others about what they are not doing in the church. You had people kind of bashing other's ministries as well. Is worship not the place where we give back to God and is CBC the house of love? Now this next part, I know I've been guilty many times about it which is the whole attending Sunday School ordeal. Granted it is not by law or anything that we attend but man that gym posse is just growing. A lot of people see it and complain, to some it is like half of those people could be serving in Jr. Church. While other's see it as a new nursey we got in the gym, but it is just getting a lil ridiculous in there. It kind of hurts me to hear others comments about the gym posse, and at the same time it's all hypocritical.

Just when I thought I could rest during lunch, the Mandarin Fellowship leaders came and seeked me. My name was on their list as "someone" suggested that I would be interested in helpin out their ministry. Is my name like Jobseek, and it just floats around or something? I was pulled into yet another meeting, and I kept saying a gentle no about my current situation. However, I guess my words mean nothing so I think from now on I will just hold a sign that reads "Will Serve for Food." They thought that I would "be better fit to witness" in this new ministry. The worst is, stunting my own growth through this all. I keep thinking that He does not give us too much to handle, who knows maybe I can do it. Pssh I see some other things that I am serving in being not as effective. What can I do now, just ask for help and strength because even the Jr. Church schedule is frustrating me.

At least I had a good talk with GP B yesterday, the question remains why do we have so many different ministries that are the same and stretches our manpower? May next week's worship be better for myself.

The Call

Natural Resources - Well it felt good to get that feelin of bump, set, spike going tonight. It's been a month now since I've last played. I thought I played bad, while others felt like I didn't miss a beat. I don't like my mechanics and timing on my quicks or hits in general, way too timid on some. Oi, my first jump serve sucked too because I jumped served it and it just top spinned off the ground, at my own 10 ft. line. Man that was embarassing :(

Anyways, my quarter is almost up for teaching Jr. Church. This has probably been my most productive quarter yet because I am learning a lot of things from the past that I could do better. So I kind of want to keep teaching for the next quarter. However, I feel as if I do need a break because preparing lessons has been draining. I got a call tonight though asking me to teach 5th-6th Grade Sunday School for the next quarter. I wouldn't mind because I get my old kids back which would be a lot of fun. However, for a quarter man I'll be missing 3 months worth of worship! I don't know if I can do that because we are all called to worship. Plus I am having enough probs just getting to CBC on time, errr always 10-13 min. late.

I have until Sunday to reflect and pray about this. I kind of don't want to teach because I just feel like I need a break. At the same time, I feel bad because if I don't do it then who will? I have faith that He will provide someone. Is it selfish of me if I don't teach because I just need a break? Where is everyone at CBC, we don't have enough adult & youth Sunday School teachers, and Jr. Church teachers. What do I do...........

Turning It On

Youth Violence - The last 48 hours, I've seen some crazy acts of violence from lil kids! I mean at CBC, we had someone just get decked in the belly. Another one with a black eye from a snow ball thrown by another. However, today @ Magahay was the worst of them all as a 2nd grader brought a knife into school today. The teacher found out, and was trying to take it away until the 2nd grader attacked her with it. The teacher finally was able to take the knife away, but without some injuries as the 2nd grader cut her wrist, and cheek. Such drama, and I wish I was there to get it from the 2nd grader so the teacher would not of gotten hurt.

Today, I was put on the spot by Lamchops, my teacher that I work with @ Magahay. I zoned out while he was teaching math, and man did I look stupid. I just can't help it that his teaching is so dry that it bores me. He is a good guy though, but I am starting to learn that he is only a good guy to you if you are a standout student. We had indoor recess today, and I noticed Jackie and Nikki were off on their own world. I am starting to understand His plan last semester by placing me in Special Ed. Jackie, and Nikki are SE students and because of it lowers their self-esteem. At the same time, those who seem "smarter" make them feel lesser of themselves. So I decided to take them for a walk around the school during recess and we just talked bout everything.

They have their own SE clique, because they are all at that "level." It pained me inside because Lampchops kept pressuring Jackie to answer an English question. He wasn't exactly encouraging and it only intimidated her and she just went back into her shell. I just wanted to tell him to backoff so fricking bad. Right now I am hoping, the principal will allow me to hold my own Tutor Time after school on Mondays. Nikki and Jackie love the idea and are willing to go if it is permitted. They were shocked when I responded to their question regarding $$$ that I am doing it for free. It's all bout my love for them and they know they are as equally special as the rest of the class is.

Plus, I got my paycheck today after student teaching worth more than any $$. Jackie drew me this rose with a heart over it saying that I was the best. That meant more to me, than anything and I even brought it with me to tonight's b-ball game as a dedication to her. I'll be hitting up this Friday's V-day party at Magahay as well. My prayer for the week is that the principal allows me to do my Tutor Time on Mondays.

Rocket Queens

BeanTown - Well my head said Patriots, but my heart was for the Eagles. Never underestimate the heart of a champion. I am still satisfied with the Pats winning because they are a good team although I still wanted to see T.O. just dominate. As for Super Bowl party, well at first it was an all out homework party for myself.

However, I relived the memories of the past Super Bowl parties. Back in the day, Super Bowl Sunday, was off the hook for my cousins and I. We'd have peeps come over to play some backyard football. From there, we'd get ready for the game and afterwards we'd move on to playing SNES, StreetFighter, NBA Jam, and Bomberman. Those were the days, until tonight. We still watched the game, then we played some Texas, gosh how I miss that. Then we had a 4 hour game of 4 player Stratego, and I am still the cerebral assassin because I am still undefeated. Man I love those chess like deep thinking games. What's on tap for next week, it looks like we are busting out Risk 2480 A.D. Our longest game has been 7 hours plus on that one. Oh well, if I lose first then I can always do my homework early. These are the times I love spending time with my cuz and his peeps, playin ball, cards, video games, and board games. Man, it sucks how times like these are fewer and fewer.

I learned something else today and it is causing me to be bitter. I know deep down that it is for His glory, yet I am bitter. I hope this feeling goes aways and not eat me alive. Anyways time for bed as I just got home.

Sons of Scotland

Poster Child - Man, this morning the Atlanta Hawks came to OU to ball and I was stuck in class without ever knowing. Lance told me tonight that some idiot was talking trash to Tyron Lue and challenged him to 1 on 1. Anyways, I had to work the scoreboard tonight and I was watching Kelly William's team play. Kelly use to play on the OU B-ball team, and on this rebound he just grabbed it in mid-air and threw it down hard. He flew so high that he almost jumped over a player and the crowd was going nuts. I mean Kelly already shattered 1 backboard already this season, man if I had hops like that.

I also found out tonight that next week I will be going around campus to promote the new IM V-ball season. Woohoo, and I get to revamp the rules too so USAV here we come for this semester. I think Karrie, KareBear is coming with me to promote v-ball. Man with so many things building up on my plate, I really need to be more disciplined with how I use my time. I have even let some things cut into my QT time too.

So the party has been called off at B's this Saturday because he got the flu. With so many things going on, I haven't been able to join the guys for Texas literally everynight either. So the tentative plan for this Saturday is to hang out @ Hooters. I can't believe some of the girls are not even sweating this one. Although, Shauna is coming over here @ 3:00 a.m. on Saturday/Sunday morning after work so we can work on our project together. Man am I gonna be drained come Super Bowl Sunday.

One Call Away

Free Smells - Yesterday @ Cranbrook Monica, and Julie decided that we were not going to teach as they wanted another week. I come back into the room leading a bunch of 6th graders in, and all eyez were on me because our trainer just dropped the ball to me to teach since they did not want to do it. It went alright I guess, cool part was they could just casually talked to me compared to some of the others from OU. It's good to be The Kid ;) Finally, OU got a Jimmy John's on campus too! Mmmmmm Bootlegger Combo! Speaking of which, of course in EED 470 I sit in my assigned seat. Now this old motherlover has transferred into my class whom I cannot stand along with others at my table. I mean this lady just butts in on convos' and talks about random stuff. I could not take it anymore because I was about to go off. I got so bad that I did not even make eye contact with her anymore because she kept trying to talk to me while I was doing my work. So I decided to get up and with my prof's permission, I now sit in the corner of the room all by myself. Well at least Shauna said she will keep me company next week.

Last night @ OU IM Work: convo of the night- Karrie giving us Jon and I a health tip.

Karrie: Did you know that drinking a gallon of water a day is bad for you.
J & Me: hahahahahaha, that is retarded. Oh wait, our heart is flooded with water, ugh ugh, hahahaha.

Oh no, Howard is hurt again so I will have to make my comeback to v-ball a lot quicker than expected too. Man I am so behind in emails too, and time to go to class now.

Nobody's Home

Suicidal - Man what a long meeting that was last night, yet quite entertaining. At least we all got paid in the end and why do so many teams forfeit their games. It like frustrates me like no other, because then I am sitting there not reffing, or scorekeeping and I don't bring my homework there to do. Anyways, Darko's Fan Club is now 5-0 baby after another W last night. I played a lot longer in terms of minutues, but man I was still sucking wind badly. My legs were so worn out at the end of the game that I was falling short on every jumper, and free throws. So now I am thinking bout running suicides everynight to get my conditioning and endurance back. Gosh sitting it out for 2 weeks could not of made me this out of shape! Such grrrnessss city too, that I have to work tonight and miss out on 5:14! It is one thing to work, but I have to do the boring job tonight and signing people in for All-Star B-ball. Anyways, Kristyn and I signed our squad back for IM V-ball this semester and I'll be pushing myself to see if I can make it 10 straight Finals appearance while going for a 6th championship. So with this semester being 6's and going for a 6th title, our team name this semester is, 6-Pack.

The new goal is to get 100% healthy and back on track with conditioning by April. Now that I'll be ballin in the 2 day B-ball tournament in Pontiac, and first place is $1000. Following that weekend, will be the MSU tournament. Hmmm there is Bee's party this Saturday too, it's going to be crayzay that night. Oh poop, time to go to Cranbrook for work!

Live Like You Were Dyin

The Return - I'mmmmm baaaaacckkkkkkk ;) Back in many ways and let's start with today at Magahay. For the first time ever, I felt like I had one of those cubicle jobs because all I did the whole day was sit at the computer and punch in 2 weeks worth of grades. However, the cool part is I decided out of my boredom it was time for recess, heheeheh. One of the many powers of being a teacher, go outside for recess! However, I found myself surrounded by a lot of the 6th grade girls chatting with me. Today, I spent a good portion of my time building a relationship with Jackie. Gosh she reminds me so much of my Jackie back at Edmonson. I even showed her a pic of her to see the physical resemblence. I also spent an hour after school chatting with Kim, the Special Ed teacher. I know a lil bit more on how to help Jackie improve in school and she told me she feels comfortable coming to me for individual help/counseling. Her I.E.P. is coming up next Wednesday so I am highly considering skipping a day at Cranbrook and class to attend.

How else am I back? Finally, off the IL as of Saturday, but I must admit there is some truth to what Dr. Steve recommends, rest. I feel a whole lot better although not 100% yet and I can not sit out any longer. I played in my first OU Co-Ed game tonight, and I let the stats do the talking, 11 pts., couple of rebounds, couple of steals, couple of assists, and a couple of blocks. All in a short amount of time because I wanted to cut short my minutes. I got that swagger back just scoring the first 5 pts. in 3 minutes. What sucked was my conditioning, man was I sucking air a lot. Never realized 2 weeks of nothing could turn into this, so I gotta get my conditioning back. So for 1 whole week, I am not drinking any pop just water, gatorade, and juice. So I'll be hitting the weight room too, to help with this.

Tuesday night, we are to have an OU IM Staff Meeting at 10 p.m.! Dude I just want to head home at that point. V and Kristyn have already told me that as Supervisors they will be chewing some of us out for doing a poor job. They said I am not on that list, well other than not wearing my uniform, but come on now I look better in my b-ball gear :) So it will be a long meeting, and Kristyn and I already noticed G looks pissed tonight and must be preparing for tomorrow's wraith on everyone. Man I wonder if it will be a bad time to ask for a switch in shifts?

Let's Go