Rolex - I've been watching some of the Ambassador's Retreat video as of late. I am really struggling with the thought of suffering. Do struggling and suffering go together? Have I really honestly suffered or experienced true joy described by Scott? After today, I can tell you this much that I am struggling with one key thing, time. Time is really frustrating me right now, yet His time is perfect. Yet, I am struggling with it greatly to see the big picture.

My timing has been way off for example b-ball and v-ball. Ever since coming back from IL, I have been very inconsistent. B-ball I am falling into a lot of traps and forcing way too many turnovers upon myself. V-ball, Howard was telling me how I am hitting the short ones good yet my timing is way off on the long ball. My passing and setting is off to, it's like I forgot how to play. I'm just in a rut in this area.

Then there's timing on all these service ministries I've been called into and mixing that with projects being combined with it. I am frustrated with this because I am not purposely procrastinating yet I am forced to do everything on the day it is due.

It also looks like the time has come for my sis too. This Sunday it looks like she is moving out to Charlotte to further her opportunities. I don't know how I could keep the house the way it is without lately with everything I am doing. Taking care of the house will just be another added thing for me to spend time on.

Am I seeking Him hard enough? One thing for sure is that I cannot say I am full of joy right now. I noticed another thing is just a couple of reminders that hit me today is DTA. Well it is almost Friday, and I just want to be alone. I just want to let go and go crazy or something where I don't have to worry bout responsibilities. Selfish? Immature? Maybe I'll be able to do some of that at Jonathan's party on Friday nite and Kristyn's party on Saturday nite. Where do I go......

Beautiful Life