Apprentice (Long and Vulgar Remix) - First off, no I did not select high crime rate. Anyways, things just seem to be getting worst for me academically. First, is tanking that PS Final, then failing the Social Studies exam, and now another Magahay mishap. I have faith that in His Will I will on the first because there are many doors that have opened. I remain strong that I will eventually pass the Social Studies exam too. However, the next test site is July 9th the same day as the CBC Retreat :( I can't miss the test, but I don't want to miss out on any part of the Retreat either. Time will tell in what I do with that. Lastly, today at Magahay I was honestly shaken inside in what I believe in on how to teach. Mr. Lamchops pulled me aside before I left to speak with me in private. He informed me that he was going to pull the plug on what I started which is Lunch with the Teacher. Apparently, some of the other staff members do not like it as well as himself because of what they think goes on in there.

When I heard this, I felt like my heart was just ripped out. That was the only thing I had left that I started because I learned it from my previous student teachin place, at Edmonson. Julie used this as getting to know the students better outside of class and if they need an additional help on homework. I started it for the same reasons I was taught from there. I now realize that I am simply a slave at this school and I must do everything Mr. Lamchops does.

As I was leaving Magahay today, tears of pain, saddness, and discouragement was boiling inside of me. Mr. Lamchops is really pissing me off too because I now realize he is just there to collect the paycheck as his 60-70 year old butt just prepares his lessons on the day of school. I graded the Social Studies test today and he blamed the class for doing poorly. I mean the class average was around the 40% area with 1 girl scoring a 1% on her test. He flat out blamed them and I am thinking in my head that you are just as accountable was they are. By them doing so poorly is also a reflection on your poor, and lazy ass teaching style. He talked to me to make sure that respect is the # 1 thing to a teacher. I am thinkin yeah I know that but tell yourself that because they do not even respect you. How do I know? Well let's see everyday he has to remind the class to respect him when he is speaking. Some staff question my integrity when I am alone with the students, well then if you don't like it then tell the old bum Mr. Lamchops to stop leaving me in there.

Let's even look at today, he was teaching Math then the janitor came in to bring him his breakfast. He stopped in the middle of his lesson and gave me the lesson book. He told the class that I will finish the lesson so he could have his breakfast. Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture?

I have respectfully asked the OU Coordinator, Sherrill to get me out of here. I want to go to a place where I can apply what I have learned from OU. I have walked into her office and even wrote her a nice email as she had asked me to do. Nothing has happened and she has not even responded to my email that she asked me to write! If I was one of those old motherlovers that kiss her ass, then yeah she'd probably give me what I want. I have already started recently to challenge and call out Sherrill as I have no respect for her anymore. She can continue to threaten me with keepin me from graduating, but I will continue to challenge and defy her in everyway possible.

I keep getting closer to just takin a swing at Mr. Lamchops and I just want to challenge him too because to teach is to inspire. I admit he shook my confidence up earlier today and almost making me believe that maybe I am not cutout for this. However, I looked back at some of my pics of CBC/ACA kids and He has restored me. I keep asking You though, why am I at Magahay? If I cannot stay in peace for 1 day at this school, how am I suppose to keep this up if it is in Your Will for me to be here 5 days a week next semester? Am I not relying enough on You through this? What do I do?