Beck - It's been a rough 48 hours where it seems like I can't do anything right. Whatever I do or did, it just goes bad and as if I wasn't good enough. It gets even harder when I still got this knee thing going on. Sarah and I did our powerpoint presentation, where of course I pimped our's up. However, our classroom does not have the right updated powerpoint version so it did not play my tunes and pics. I felt so bummed about it and that let Sarah down because the presentation became dull.

Then going to my baby cuz's graduation commencement, as much as we've grown up together something was revealed to me. My baby cuz, acts differently around the otherside of the fam. What bugs me is how it is not the way I have taught her to be. It's like she turned into this cold hearted person and it showed. My aunt wanted a quick ride and they did not allow her in sayin there was no room. Dude, it's a van but they kicked her to the curb. My aunt could not walk anymore because she has a bad leg from an accident a couple of days ago. My heart was crushed to see her be filled with this "me" attitude first. Everything, that I have shared with her from my life seemed to have been thrown back in my face as if it wasn't good enough. My other aunt said that I didn't do my job in raising her, maybe she is right.

I was reminded again by a sista that we are serving the Lord and not for man. However, it just seems so hard with the Chinese congregation. I really want to go up and say forget pressing towards the goal, do y'all know what the goal is? It's been gettin harder each day without this sista helpin me with the Children's program.

Lastly, I might of lost my baby cuz to the dark side. However, I might of lost a friend tonight too and it's my fault. Maybe I wasn't a good enough friend.....

With all this, maybe that's why I haven't been able to eat. Time to lay on the couch, and try to listen to Him.

Stallions