Well I pulled an all niter last night and still ain't sleepy yet. I guess that's because I've had a lot on my mind today. One thing is that I am really learning a lot in terms of being a student teacher for the Special Ed at Iroquois Middle School. Although I'm bummed that the students aren't as responsive as my elementary kids were, but I'm still learning. I've become close to some of my students already, one is my 6th grade girl, Jessica. I've been doing a lot of 1 on 1 help with her math needs. She's such a cutie and it pains me to see her in here because I know she is a really bright girl. During my prep hour, I got a chance to look at her files in terms of IQ scores, etc. She barely qualified as a special ed student, so I know that she is smarter than she thinks she is to be in there. I also read some of her strengths from the school psychologist, saying that she is a hard worker and always wants to please others. I see all that in her when I spend time with her for math because she always wants to show Miss Wojie how well she is doing. In 4 weeks, she has her IEP meeting/testing to see if she shall remain in special ed or not. I want to get her out of special ed, but at the same time she isn't strong enough to do some of the subject matters on her own. I really want to get all those special ed kids out of there because some of them don't need it. But I gotta start one at a time, so I will put a lot of effort in helping Jessica get out of there and be ready to take that test. I also get a chance to meet her parents as well, so I hope I can help everyone else to continue to progress.

I saw and read things that just kept bring back the history. It's wierd how Dan mentioned it something along the line with it prior to what I saw/read today. Sometimes, I just wish I can bury it but it creeps back in some sort of way. One part, I thought I had something encouraging to say, but seeing what I saw today just kind of makes me feel as if there is no point to it. Then reappears those "what if's" things that you wonder if you did things differently. Seeing/reading it really opened my eyes of how some have really changed. The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get because I feel as if I failed. Wow, even thinking about it even more, it serves as 2 fold. The trip to Lapeer is maybe what I need to heal because I know I must keep that hope. Although, maybe Dan and the crew were right about me 5 years ago, and it is what it is today.

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